This is an echo of DeltaBetaBoy's post, but I think that there should be a reminder that at the most competitive schools, the girls spend about all day doing the parties and stay up sometimes into the wee hours discussing which girls to invite back. A lot of times, if few members have strong feelings yay or nay about a girl, a girl might only get discussed for a minute or two so it is not like the entire chapter made the concerted and deliberate attempt to keep you (or your daughter) out of their organization. Maybe you (or your daughter) looked a little tired that day by the time you got to XYZ's organization and because of that she was less than memorable to the actives around her. A lot of actives are trying to remember the names and faces of about 20 girls a day -- a feat challenging on a good day. Who knows, but it isn't as if the girls are able or have time to do a line by line recount of a conversation they had with you (or your daughter) and deconstruct from it what kind of person you are.

Discussion of PNMs? That may be more about any sorority's selection methods than I should know.

No, we just draw names out of a hat when we have to decide who to invite back.

You use a hat? Think roulette wheel. It seems more sporting.

Oh, I've said to much.

Ooh a sorting hat? Like in Harry Potter? Wouldn't it just be easier if a PNM could put on a magic hat and be automatically sorted into her sisterhood?!

That thought has crossed my mind more than a few times.

LOL, I wish we had a sorting hat, but seriously, if your sorority makes decisions by discussion, I'm betting that isn't supposed to be public information, not like, "Our minimum GPA is this, and you must be enrolled at a 4-year college, and you must be female." I could be wrong; what your org says is OK to discuss may be different than what mine says. But as far as Alpha Xi Delta is concerned, the process of membership selection is completely secret. Maybe we talk to consensus; maybe we have a mathematical equation; maybe we vote y/n; maybe our VP for membership decides single-handedly; maybe we have a dart board. Maybe we discuss and then vote and then the president has veto power, unless it's the third week of the month, in which case we pick 'em alphabetically. All that's public is that we follow NPC and campus rules regarding rush.

I would be shocked and appalled to hear that ANY sorority released PNMs without even discussing them in the sense of asking the sister who talked to them what she thought.

i think the best thing about ms is that noone knows how more than one group does it. so i know how chi omega does it, but im in the same position as the pnms and their moms about all the other groups out there. ill never know why i got cut by xyz when i was rushing either. so we could speak for our own groups (although none of us would im sure!!) but no other group. who knows...we could all have the same procedure or all have different ones...i guess the world will never know!

i think the difference between this thread and the one begun by ladylonghorn is that this one has remained civil. folks have had discussions and exchanged ideas in a respectful manner and not insulted anyone.

no need for you to clarify, but i probably should have clarified too-i meant the original post, not what you said, was mean.

now i am going to watch the amazing opening ceremonies of the olympics-go usa!!

I can tell you what my HS BFF did. During our senior year in HS we talked a lot about college and where we wanted to go. I wanted to go to Dartmouth but was wait listed. She wanted to go to Davidson but couldn't afford it. We were in agreement on one thing, anywhere but Georgia Tech. She went to UGA and was released from recruitment. Now she is transferring to GT in the fall. I am not sure if being released had anything to do with it but she went from being so excited about UGA to an UGA hater almost overnight.

Any Chance
 

we can get back on track with this thread? I know most of the alumnae dont need the advice, but pnms and pnm parents find the constructive advice helpful. (including helicopter moms)

co sign

I respect all of the opinions above - heck that is what GC is all about. However, it has also been freely expressed, especially by more experienced GCers to "noobs" that if you disagree with the direction of a thread, don't respond. It seems there are a lot of posters who disagree with the thread yet won't follow their own advice.

ducking my head now...

Going back to the original topic, I'd like to offer some advice if not a plea to moms, sisters, grandmothers, aunts and other concerned Rec writers:

As a sister I'm sorry if your PNM was dropped. As an advisor, I beg you please don't call the chapter, advisor(s), Inat'l, Panhellenic or the University and pitch a fit. Please don't threaten to resign your lifelong membership or stop contributing to the GLO/Foundation/University over this. I'm sure your PNM is a fabulous person, but in a large competitive recruitment there are 100's of fabulous PNMs with Recs and (in our case) tons of legacies. We can't extend bids to all of them because there are simply too many.

I'm sorry your PNM wasn't one of the ones chosen. Please remember membership selection is confidential -- even from alumnae. We cannot tell you why your PNM was released. As an advisor, I can only assure you that Inat'l and NPC policies were followed.