What Not to Say to a Released PNM
I think that every year I know more and more women who are released from recruitment. They tell me what their Gamma Chis have said to them and I would like to address this. If you're talking with a girl who's been dropped,
1. DO NOT, unless she asks, say, "You can always be in student government," (or Residence Hall Association or so forth). She does not want to hear that. She wants to be in a national sorority with letters, a big sister, football game seating blocks, you know what I mean. Don't offer her something unsatisfactory. 2. DO NOT say, "Oh well, Greek life isn't everything." You're Greek and that sounds horribly patronizing coming from you. Also, at some campuses that's a lie because Greek life is a huge part of campus life. 3. DO NOT be dishonest about her chances of getting a COB bid or succeeding in rush next year. If you go to a school where COBing isn't done and re-rushing sophomores are automatically cut, tell her the truth. She may want to transfer and y'know, that's okay. That's very common in the South when women are released. Don't make fun of her for it. I don't intend for this to turn into a South-bashing thread. I'm posting this because if I can help at least one brokenhearted woman by shutting up some patronizing recruitment counselor, then I'll be satisfied. |
good post carnation, and especially timely, with recruitment going full force. thanks!
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and of course, don't say, "you can always AI!"
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Thank God for this post. :)
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* DON'T SAY THINGS LIKE "OMG those sororities suck so bad for cutting you, how DARE they!" As much as you think it will make the PNM feel better, you aren't in a position to judge them for cutting someone.
*DON'T automatically suggest a service fraternity. That goes in line with what Dani said about student gov't. They aren't a "substitute" for Greek Life. The experiences aren't identical. The young lady might not be looking for the type of experience they provide. |
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THANK YOU!!!!! SAI, APO etc, ARE THEIR OWN GROUPS. They are not the same, and I'd be pissed if somebody told me they wanted to join SAI because they didn't get into a NPC group. It's not about the fancy letters, people. |
Good posts. What are some things TO SAY?
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Re: What Not to Say to a Released PNM
It seems like occasional rejection or disappointment is a fact of life, though, and not being invited back is just one example of that. This doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt, just that everyone experiences it at some point in her life. A PNM who is dropped by all the houses might feel very alone. I might consider sharing a story about a time when I felt hurt and rejected, but ultimately survived. Maybe it would help to point out that the recruitment process can be sort of arbitrary. It doesn't mean that she's a worthless person, just that she might not have happened to meet women she clicked with, and the house may have been forced to release a certain number.
Although Greek life is very important to some people, the PNM probably has other interests and goals too. Maybe it would be possible to talk with her about what she genuinely enjoys, and help her find student orgs that match her interests. If rushing again is a realistic option for her, being involved would probably help her chances. |
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Sorry. I'd have to laugh at her for that. Education anyone? |
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I think the rest of the advice in this thread is spot-on, though. |
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Then, be willing to LISTEN as long as she needs to talk or vent or cry or whatever. Check up on her the next day or so as appropriate, just in case she needs a friendly face. Say hi to her when you see her on campus. Basically, treat her exactly as you'd want to be treated if YOU were the confused/lonely/scared/heartbroken/embarrassed/angry/etc (add or delete adjectives as appropriate) PNM yourself. |
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