New Recruitment Article
 

I read this this morning. Of my 7 daughters who rushed, some had great recruitments and some did not. However, a lot of PNMs will only accept certain groups (like 2 out of 10) and they come apart when they don't get them, even though there are some wonderful groups left.

Recruitment is hard! I don't know if there's really an answer, though. Allowing everyone to just walk into their group of choice is not it, though. That was tried at the last college I taught at and was disastrous.

https://grownandflown.com/sorority-r...gYoiyH93WFdm-g

I don't have a daughter, so I'll never have to go through this. But, as I sit here waiting to hear bid day results for the daughter of a close friend, I can only imagine what the mom's go through. I was devastated for her earlier this week when she was cut by her two favorites...but then 2 other favorites emerged from the houses she had left and she ended up preffing at both of them. So, fingers crossed. There is a front runner, but I think she'll be happy with a bid from either.

"In the meantime, she is hanging out with friends who did not go through rush, dropped out of rush, got second choice or got top choice". Notice mom doesn't say, "IN the meantime, daughter is going to give it her all and go over to the house for meals, meetings, and studying, as often as she can, so that she can find her people." If she doesn't put forth the effort, it will not work.

Any time I read articles like this or hear firsthand stories my heart goes out to them.

Without going into too much detail, I didn't get the bid my freshman year and dealt with the feeling of immediate heavy cuts.

I can't imagine what my mom felt watching me go through it, it kind of breaks my heart a bit to think of her hurting for me in that way, and it certainly wasn't something I appreciated at 18. Yes we know what to say, we know the things like "trust the process" and you have to "put in the work" but we say that from the perspective of having already been through it, being older and wiser, and having the gift of time to better understand and maybe even whitewash those strong feelings a bit.

However at the core there is an 18 year old girl who can't begin to understand the process and legitimately feels like she wasn't good enough. That's just reality and that's okay. In those moments sometimes your kid just needs to be sad and hurt before they can pull themselves up by their bootstraps. That's okay too.

It can get better though.

I accepted a bid to my favorite house on campus my sophomore year and then went on to become president.

I know sorority membership is not an absolute guarantee. They are not handing out participation trophies so everybody gets a bid everywhere. Life is not like that. But I do wish there were ways where this process wasn't quite as heartbreaking for those who get hurt along the way.

I honestly have not ever been able to think of a way to make it easier on the PNMs because a lot of that hurt comes not from them getting dropped from recruitment but from not getting the houses they want. Membership can't be forced.

Their snowplow parents have run interference for them to prevent them any disappointment to the point that they do expect to have their pick of sororities-both PNMs and parents. They do expect 1st place trophies because they have gotten trophies or awards for all the things they did growing up. They have been set up with unrealistic expectations, and when they are dropped by the perceived best chapters( never mind they still have excellent choices from which to choose) they, having never learned coping skills and being in a situation that mama can’t fix, drop out because they “didn’t connect” with their remaining choices. And the mamas blame it on the mean, bad, snooty sororities and the system.

Oh my lordy yes!

Have y'all noticed that all these people, especially PNM parents, are lamenting the size of the new member classes and saying that these universities need more sororities? But this isn't what they really want. They want less sororities so that everyone can be in the hot ticket sororities, even if it means pledge classes of, oh, 350 up.

Yes

I gotta say, while I understand this mom feeling for her daughter because nobody wants to see their child disappointed, she needs to teach the life lesson from all of this. In the words of the Rolling Stones - you can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need. Period, end of story.

My best friend's (and sorority sister's) daughter went through recruitment at Alabama and of course, she wanted to be in a top tier, old row house. Her mom, not really knowing how hard that is for an out of state girl with no connection, was just glad her daughter was rushing period. All of her life, her daughter saw her mom with her sorority sisters, and she told her she wanted to find that for herself. Every day after her rounds of parties, she'd talk to her mom briefly and say she was having a great time. She got cut hard after the second round, but every round she had a house left that she could see herself in - until preference. And when she called her mom crying, her mom said, listen girl, it's time to buck up buttercup. You still have a shot at joining a sorority here, and just because it wasn't the one YOU think is best, these women are looking at you as someone they can see as their sister. So put on your pretty party dress and get to preference, and when you sign your MRABA, you list both choices and let the chips fall where they may.

Needless to say, she got a bid, and it wasn't anywhere close to the "top house" at Alabama. As a matter of fact, some would say it's the bottom (Sigma Kappa), but it IS the right house for her. She is a junior now and she still loves her sorority so much and has taken on leadership positions and lived in the house. She wouldn't trade it for the world. AND, she found that group of women who will be her bridesmaids, best friends, etc. for life. Ultimately, that's what she wanted, and now she found it. She couldn't care less about tiers and bullshit.

I wish more young women and their moms could feel the same.