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One month before recruitment, the marching band released the practice schedule for the week before classes start… which is also Panhellenic recruitment week. Rosebud opened the band schedule, and opened the conflict form sent by the Rho Gamma Kelsey, and started marking off all the times when there was a conflict so she could report it to Panhellenic. I watched her get more and more agitated. We knew there would be some overlap, but we really weren’t prepared for THIS much overlap. She would be available to attend the extra preview day before recruitment starts… and bid day. That’s it. None of the regular rounds. The band rehearsal schedule is 8 am to 10 pm every day.
Boy, was she upset. Frustrated. Overwhelmed. Disappointed.
It took a while to talk through everything, but I reminded her that she had said she would be OK with spring rush instead of fall, and she had said she’d be OK with COB. She decided that she was most upset because she wouldn’t even get a chance to TRY to make a good impression. Well, that’s what the preview day is for – the chance. And she will get 2 nice Panhellenic Tshirts out of it. And she doesn’t have to stress about outfits and hair for a whole week – just for one day.
At the peak of her frustration, she threw up her hands and said “Maybe I’ll just focus on band while I’m in college, and then try to join Alpha Gam after graduation like you did.” And from the ether I heard a chorus of ***HALLELUJAHs*** from the souls of all my Sisters who have known and loved Rosebud for 18 years… but I nobly refrained from steering her that way. As much as I would love-love-love to share this sisterhood with both her and my mother, I also would like her to have a rich college experience. Sorority life could be part of that. I reminded her: COB is fine, spring rush is fine, try all the options before giving up.
We talked about how calm she will be when Rho Gamma Kelsey calls to say she has no invitations, because she is expecting it, and how relieved Kelsey will be NOT to have a hysterical PNM on her hands. There’s that Pollyanna positive attitude we practiced. 😊
However, this revelation directly affected her motivation to finish preparing for recruitment. Rosebud did NOT want to keep collecting recommendations and introductions. (“Why bother? I won’t get to meet anyone.”) Earlier in the summer she did have a wonderful chat with a young alumna from one of the unhoused chapters, which was so nice. Rosebud also hesitantly asked her 3 friends who already graduated high school and are in sororities at different colleges to introduce her. (“I don’t want to nag them over the summer.”) She did compose one pleasant email asking one of my local Panhellenic friends to review her resume and introduce her, and offering to meet up -- an email which could then be copy-pasted-revised and sent to members of the other organizations. (I had nightmares that we had forgotten to update the wording and accidentally listed the wrong sorority in one of the emails, but we didn’t. I checked. More than once.) I don’t think she actually ever recorded an intro video, but I’m not sure. She rallied in the end and had another lovely interview with my Panhellenic friend and sent follow up emails with additional information for several other alumnae, but the thrill was gone because she knew COB or spring rush would probably end up being her path.
Plus, there was a lot more shopping to do for the dorm suite!
In a sense, I understood her reluctance. Things have been changing. Are they even USING recs anymore? Two of the collegiate chapters said “don’t send recs” on the campus Panhellenic website. Four organizations had “introduce yourself” links on their national websites instead of links for recommendations or introductions from alumnae. One of the women she asked for an introduction said, “I’ll fill out the form, but they don’t really use it anymore.”
We do know it’s the current collegiate members of the chapter who can decide whether PNMs will fit in with “the vibe,” as the kids say these days. My thought was: if they will only get to meet her at the extra preview event, maybe recs might be more important to stay on their radars for COB. It can’t hurt to have a rec, and maybe it shows extra effort. Of course, the collegiates might just toss them automatically – we will never know. But the local Panhellenic women who know Rosebud personally really wanted to introduce her to their chapters. They wanted her to have a good experience, and wanted to hear how everything went in the end.
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