[leilanimoon]

I actually have a few things to add being that im a junior who went thru formal rush this quarter and was cut heavily. it sucks..and leaves u slightly bitter for a long time, at least in my case, because you're left wondering, was i cut because i was a junior, or did they just not like me? how come THAT junior over there with the tiffanys necklace got invited back every night to all the houses and i didn't? i thought we had a good conversation and they really seemed to like me, what went wrong? did i say something wrong? should i have told them i might be here longer or will they think im a slacker? should i really try again in informal or will i just be embarassing myself? is it, if they didnt like me then, why would they like me now, or was it a financial thing and they thought i was great but they had plenty of freshman to choose from and could only take a limited number of juniors? ill have even less time as an active than now so why would they still want me!?!

i couldnt control the fact that i transferred to my school and didn't join before. i started out at University of Florida and went through rush there but I had a feeling I wouldnt be staying all four years, so I dropped out of rush very early. In some ways, at least in a greek perspective, it was the worst thing I couldve done because ive always wanted to go greek and now it seems like it's too late. i'm a minority, and have checked out nphc, and multiculti orgs, but i still feel more attracted to npc because when i look to the members in them, they are more representative of my friends back home and the types of people i'm used to. i came from a very urban, diverse town where all kinds of people mix just fine for the most part and i come to my university and see a definite divide. no one here is blatantly racist and i really feel if more minorities rushed here, thered be more in the npc orgs, yet, i see people in my race shunning me for not hanging around with enough blacks, or on the other hand, some blacks or mixed blacks who won't look at me and who go on record as not liking blacks and automatically prejudge me.

it's really very rough because i have such an open mind and open heart but what's sad is that some people are so quick to prejudge. i felt very disheartened being cut by a lot of top houses simply because i was taking it as "wow, if they couldnt see me as their "type" or as their "sister", who would?". when i would talk to each girl in each house i always tried to envision which girls id normally gravitate towards, whether i knew they were greek or not, and thats what made my decision for which houses were tops on my list and to think that perhaps it wasnt reciprocated is really hard to swallow. But, at the same time, I can look at it in so many different ways, my class standing, being matched up with the wrong girl...it just leaves my mind in so much of a state of indecision and stress...it was all worth it, perhaps, but I still ask myself if, come this spring for informal recruitment if i should give it a shot or throw in the towel. it becomes hard to know when to say when when u dont even know where u stand...am i making sense?