Quote:
Originally Posted by PJS
After several years, I happened to check in on the NPC Recruitment and Chapter Listing thread (what happened to irishpipes?) Anyway, I saw a post of mine (PNMs and early cuts) that had been bumped from many years ago. Reading it sent me down memory lane, and (after looking for my old password for 2 days) I thought I would return again to ask a question.
As I layed out in that old post, I had a daughter that was cut from my house during recruitment. Additional information is that I had another daughter who was also cut a couple years later. Both were quality pnms: 4.0 high school students with lengthy resumes. Both went on to successfully pledge another house, be involved members who held higher offices, graduate with bachelors and doctorate degrees and are continuing to live their best lives.
This is not a post about “why weren’t my daughters chosen;” life is way past that. My curiosity is how other moms that have been through that experience end up in terms of their relationship/involvement with their sorority. I mentioned in my original post that I was blindsided when my daughter was cut the second day by my house. Blindsided is absolutely the right word. Devastated might be a little dramatic, but close. I had no idea how much that was going to matter, or how much it would hurt. When it happened a second time to my younger daughter, I was much more prepared, cynical and thick skinned.
I had always loved my sorority, and really hoped I would feel the same about it again someday. That has not happened. It’s kind of like a scar that just doesn’t have any sensation anymore. There was a time that I was an involved alum. Now I’m completely apathetic toward the organization and volunteer neither time nor money. Interestingly, right after my daughters’ college experience, my sorority had a Legacy Project that was supposed to highlight the importance of legacies to the actives. Just a dozen years later Fraternity Council turned tail with the rest of the crowd and expunged legacy status from having any meaning whatsoever. I do wonder what the long term effects of that will be.
My guess is that many parents who have had the same experience are no longer involved as alums in their sorority/fraternity, but maybe I’m wrong. Thoughts?
|
First: I am not in the kind of GLO that you are in, so I cannot speak specifically to an NPC sorority experience. But I feel somewhat moved to respond.
You have the right to feel about your organization how you feel about it at any given moment. There will be times that you are all in and there will be times that you don't care what happens to it. Perhaps you may never care again.
I have some queries for you to ponder. You don't have to answer.
Did your organization ever sell itself as a legacy club or otherwise guarantee that your daughters would have a fair chance, or even a fighting chance? Or is that a belief that you held that really has no origin besides hopes that became your reality? [This has happened to me when joining a fraternal organization.]
Has the organization remained consistent in what its mission or purpose is? I imagine that most haven't changed fundamentally, such as doing good work in the community with friends.
I see and hear various complaints about NPC sorority councils (I presume this is synonymous with Executive Boards). Are these women not elected by the body (national convention)? Are they not democratically accountable to anyone? If your voice is not at the table, is there not a way to make it so? (Alumnae chapter leadership?)
I do not know the voting delegate structure of most NPC organizations, or whether some have more collegiate voice than alumnae voice. (NPHC organizations are overwhelmingly the alumni voice, while APO is primarily a collegiate voice)
All in all, what I'm trying to say is this: It's fine to feel hurt, and then numb. But I also think there is a time to engage and lodge the complaints. Not by withholding dues or donations, or even letters to leadership. (And not by social media quibbles and spats, which a lot of people believe is action.) But to be engaged in the democratic process in-person until THAT process doesn't work anymore.
Good luck to you.
