Question about letters

[December190]

-Deleted-

[victoriana]

Originally Posted by December190

I just recently got my "big" and I am so stoked. I also got a twin, and I love her as well. Initiation is coming up and the tradition is that you big is supposed to give you your first pair of letters.
Today my big sent me a text asking if I would mind paying for my own because she's running low on funds.

Now I don't really know what to do.
On the one hand I freakin adore her and really want to help her out.

But on the other hand I'm super broke too paying all my new member dues, I just spent 50 dollars on stuff to make her a paddle, and big sis appreciation WEEK is coming up and I know we'll be expected to get her a bunch of stuff then.
Plus, it's tradition... I kinda just want my letters to be from my big, not myself.

I could probably come up with the money but I by no means just have extra cash laying around.

I guess my question is, is it common for bigs to ask their littles to pay for their jackets? Cause so far in my pledge class my twin and I are the only one.

In my chapter at least, the big has to pay for her little's letters. It's a cost that the bigs know about when they sign up to take a little. It's not fair to you if you're paying for your own gift (it's not really a gift then, I suppose). I would talk to your new member mom about what to do.

[alexandra92]

Here, letters and jackets are completely different.
In my personal chapter, the big buys the coat, and you buy your own first set of letters. I bought my big and I our big little letters.

In most other chapters on my campus however, littles buy their own coats, and bigs get them their first set of letters.

Ask her if you can make the letters together? Letter shirts are really easy to make if you have some heat and bond, and a sewing machine. Or ask for hand me downs instead, those are always most special!

[33girl]

Are any of your big's family (her big, big2 or any twins she might have) still in school? She should be asking them for $$ help before she asks you. It's TACKY to ask someone to pay for their own present...no 2 ways about it.

[December190]

I know she took 2 littles before us and they are still active. I'm honestly not sure about her big though.

I just don't even know how to go about this conversation. I'm just disappointed in general I guess. Either I'm going to pay for them or she will but she might resent them. Either way kind of takes the joy out of the whole experience

[excelblue]

One word: ouch.

Lane swerving here, but maybe you could politely give your big a hint by saying that you're also low on funds.

But yeah, ouch.

[AOII Angel]

It sounds like she bit off more than she could chew taking twins two years in a row, but that being said, it is not the responsibility of the NM to get this stuff. Talk to your NM educator. If nothing else, the chapter should step in and cover the expense. Part of assigning Lil Sisters is assuring that the member can handle the responsibility, including monetary. Maybe this "tradition" should stop if buying a coat is too expensive and makes being a big sis prohibitive. It should stop for everyone, though, and not just for you and your twin.

[AlphaFrog]

I'm curious...is your chapter on a major upswing since your big has taken twins twice in a row? Or is she just THAT SISTER that everyone loves and want as a big and she can't say no?

[IrishLake]

I would tell her you're low on funds as well, but if your'e ok with not getting your first set of letters until say, Christmas, then tell her you're willing to wait.

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

It sounds like she bit off more than she could chew taking twins two years in a row, but that being said, it is not the responsibility of the NM to get this stuff. Talk to your NM educator. If nothing else, the chapter should step in and cover the expense. Part of assigning Lil Sisters is assuring that the member can handle the responsibility, including monetary. Maybe this "tradition" should stop if buying a coat is too expensive and makes being a big sis prohibitive. It should stop for everyone, though, and not just for you and your twin.

I know that every sorority/fraternity has its own policies and customs vary across the Greek World (encompassing all GLOs here). And I do my best to only comment on what I know. I have a question for everyone: is it considered "assessing" to require the "bigs" to buy for the "littles"?

I'm with AOII Angel; if this is an expectation. the chapter should step in, because this clothing item can be very expensive. The chapter I advise buys the new initiates their first lettered item. It is a budgeted item. The "gifting" can get really outrageous so this is a way to control spending and level the playing field; and it helps the "bigs" who have twin "littles".

Aside: my "big sister" bought me a 14K gold lavalier and chain when I was initiated (that was in the days when gold wasn't in the stratosphere). That was the custom then. I passed it on to an active a few years ago; she's now an Educational Leadership Consultant for the Fraternity. I wonder who she'll pass it on to!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

It sounds like she bit off more than she could chew taking twins two years in a row

I didn't see that she took twins twice, rather, that she has two previous littles. If they have pledge classes twice a year this can happen very easily.

This is something that your chapter as a whole should probably bring up. If the chapter is growing so fast that people need to take twins, the old traditions need to be rethought and if necessary, eliminated. A lot of times it doesn't really hit home until it actually happens - people are so happy about the growth that they don't think about the growing pains and mechanics of things.

[KSUViolet06]

^^^^I'd have to agree with 33 here.

If you're growing to that point and the coat thing is becoming a financial issue, it's time to rethink it as a chapter.

If you are growing to the point that people are taking on more than one little, maybe it's also time for your VP (or whoever deals with NMs and NM Ed) to review with people the expectations of taking on a Little Sister and reminding them (as my chapter did) that if they choose to make themselves available to take on twins (we had eligible Big Sisters indicate on their forms if they would take Twins in the event that more than one NM wanted them) they need to be financially able to do so. Meaning if you can't afford to buy 2 Lil Sis shirts, and pretty much 2 of everything, don't agree to it.

Same with just one. I know everybody WANTS to be a Big Sis but it's a large financial commitment and folks need to be thinking about that before they make the choice to become Bigs.

[Mevara]

In my chapter X amount of dollars was reimbursable from the chapter per little. This was to include letters and other gifts. If you choose to spend over that amount that was all on you, but I don't think many people did. I really think it is a great way to do it.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I didn't see that she took twins twice, rather, that she has two previous littles. If they have pledge classes twice a year this can happen very easily.

This is something that your chapter as a whole should probably bring up. If the chapter is growing so fast that people need to take twins, the old traditions need to be rethought and if necessary, eliminated. A lot of times it doesn't really hit home until it actually happens - people are so happy about the growth that they don't think about the growing pains and mechanics of things.

You're right, I misinterpreted that. Still, taking twins after taking littles twice is a lot to ask of someone.

[December190]

No, you were correct. We're here second pair of twins.

My twin is coming over later and I guess we're going to talk it out and decide what to do.

I don't want to put my big in a bad financial situation but at the same time... ugh, I don't know. I guess I already stated everything. I'm just disappointed.