Ju-jake and cheesy sororities: your advice, please!

carnation · #1 09-29-2002, 03:49 PM

Okay, my fifth daughter is a high school sophomore and she has watched as my first and third daughters rushed successfully and our second didn't. (Number 4, a high school junior, is a born Greek, no problem.) Anyway, she said, "I don't think I want to go Greek, it seems kind of cheesy and I can make my own friends."

I could tell her about what it's done for me but I'm her mother and it's a rule that one listens to others before they listen to Mom! I could tell her about lifelong friendships, career connections, fantastic times, and how un-cheesy my sorority was but maybe you guys have a better idea of what to tell a hesitant, horse-loving high schooler.

Any advice? What would you say to "Ju-jake" about why your GLOs mean so much to you?

KappaKittyCat · #2 09-29-2002, 04:05 PM

Dear Carnation,

Hey! Our last chapter president is a horse-lover, too. She got some of our sisters over their major fear of horses.

First of all (and you probably know this but I'm going to say it anyway), Ju-jake is most likely trying to distinguish herself from the older women in your family. You're a hugely involved sorority woman, both your eldest and Ballerina rushed happily and successfully, BlazerCheer didn't have a successful formal recruitment experience, but she still made an effort and is considering COB, and #4 is, as you said, a born Greek. I know that my little brother refuses to do anything that I did. He wants nothing to do with the life that I've chosen. School? Nope. Music? Forget it. Reading books? Ha! You get the idea. I'm guessing that Ju-jake is 15 or 16, which is precisely the age where she wants to stand out and be something different from all the other women in her family. She knows that being Greek is such a big, important part of your lives, and she probably figured (correctly!) that declaring her lack of interest in the Greek system would be a good way to get your attention.

As for personal experiences of my own, I guess I can just say that Kappa has provided consistency in my life. When I went overseas, most of my friends didn't even notice that I was gone. I got back and had no idea what was going on. I was completely out of the loop. My Kappa sisters, however, made an effort to keep me in the loop, and not only with local gossip, but with the day-to-day events of their own personal lives. Moreover, they cared about what I was doing and going through. They are the only ones who actually asked to see my pictures and who listened to my stories.

I could post so many more stories, but they'd all be variations on the theme of everything else you see on here. I'll let some others chime in.

I hope that your daughter changes her mind about the Greek system. She's got three more years of high school before she'll be making any decisions, anyway, so give her time.

Best,
KappaKittyCat

XOMichelle · #3 09-29-2002, 09:51 PM

A high school sophomore? She's got ages to think about going greek!

Although being in an org is fun and gives you a lot of opportunity to do things you otherwise wouldn't have, this is the time for her to know that she is important because of who she is and what she can do as an individual. She can think about what she has to offer to a group later!

-M

KillarneyRose · #4 09-29-2002, 10:05 PM

Ju-Jake,
I have no doubt you'll be able to make tons of friends in college, but being in a sorority is about something deeper than friendship.

It is about sharing a bond. It is the chance to participate in a ritual created many, many years ago (in your mom's case, over 130 years ago - correct me if I'm wrong, Carnation) that generations of sisters have shared with each other and with the younger sisters. It's about looking at everyday items and seeing the symbolism behind them as it pertains to your sisterhood and knowing that no one who isn't your sister would truly understand (Why is Chi Omega's symbol an owl? Delta Gamma's an Anchor? Kappa Kappa Gamma's a key? I have NO IDEA!!! But I know why Delta Zeta's symbol is a Roman Lamp as do IowaHawkeye, dzrose93, AchtungBaby80 and the rest of my sisters, and it has a very deep meaning for us).

It is about knowing that if you meet a member of your sorority for the very first time, you will already have something in common. This is great for paving the way for a wonderful friendship.

On a more pragmatic note, it can be helpful for business connections when you get out in the "real world". When I applied for an internship in college, I was chosen out of 75 applicants, all of whom wanted it as much as I did and probably half of whom were as qualified as I was. Why did I get it? I found out later that the woman who chose me had been an Alpha Phi in college and she thought that since I was in a sorority I would be proficient juggling several responsibilities at once and could thus devote the time needed to really excel in the internship. She was right; I had a blast and learned enough about public relations that I was able to get an excellent Assistant Account Executive position at a major firm straight out of college.

I'm glad I did it; I have found that is enriches my life even now. I'm looking forward to going to a Founders' Day luncheon at the end of October and celebrating the 100th anniversary of my sorority's founding with my sisters. I'm OLD; this is my 16th Founders' Day but I love to go, participate in the ceremony, sing the sings, put on my beautiful badge, etc.

Think about it; how many opportunities do we get at 17 or 18 years of age to do something that will continue to enrich our lives for years and years if we want it to?

KillarneyRose · #5 09-29-2002, 10:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by XOMichelle
A high school sophomore? She's got ages to think about going greek!

Seems to me in the part of the country where the Carnation family lives, it's never too early to start thinking about it. Correct me if I'm wrong, Southern GreekChatters.

RockChalk · #6 09-29-2002, 10:19 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by XOMichelle
A high school sophomore? She's got ages to think about going greek!

Although being in an org is fun and gives you a lot of opportunity to do things you otherwise wouldn't have, this is the time for her to know that she is important because of who she is and what she can do as an individual. She can think about what she has to offer to a group later!

-M

I agree with this post. She has a loooong time to think it over before she gets to college. Maybe she'll change her mind on her own.

And as KKC pointed out, maybe she's just hoping for a reaction out of you. When I was that age, my favorite game was "how can I freak out Mom this week?"

carnation · #7 09-29-2002, 10:30 PM

Oh, I know she wants a reaction...maybe I would've done the same thing to my mom had she been Greek! But what I'm hoping to find--and thank you all for your responses so far!--are women's reasons for being Greek, what sorority life has meant, etc...in other words, why should she even start thinking about it?

If my remaining seven daughters never pledge, I can live with it! But I don't want them to be like those morons who believe that every Greek is an "Animal House" sort, that we're all a bunch of drunken partiers and hos. I want them to know the deepest meaning of sorority life--that it's more than just, say, the Spanish Club. Sometimes it's hard for me to put that into words.

aggieAXO · #8 09-29-2002, 11:32 PM

I have a friend that has recently moved to Oregon. She was home a couple of weeks ago for her engagement party and she was telling me that she is so depressed b/c she knows no one except her fiance. She also can't find a job (which as a veterinarian is very unusual). As she was telling me this story it reminded me of when i moved to Austin. I don't know what I would have done without the alum club here. The sisters I met from the club helped me get through the first couple of years when I knew very little people.

My friend was not in a sorority but I think if she had been the alum club is a great place to meet new people. Your daughter is young and obviously not thinking about this type of thing but I think that is one of the biggest assets of my sorority life-the connections all around the US and even the world. I feel like if I had to move again I could probably find another alum club and again feel rt. at home.

DZetaBiotch · #9 09-30-2002, 04:06 AM

Carnation:

When I was in high school I swore up and down I was never going to go Greek, ever. In fact, I still felt negatively about sororities up until the day before rush, when I turned in an application on a whim just to see what the big deal was. I ended up loving recruitment- I got to go back to all the houses I liked, which was a huge self-esteem boost.

Anyway today I am a proud DZ! I hold two minor chair positions and participate in tons of DZ-related stuff. So give your girl a chance! The more you push, the more rebellious she will feel and she may not rush ever! (I know my mother was very against sororities and I believe my rebellious streak was what spurred me to rush in the first place!)

violets · #10 09-30-2002, 11:59 AM

Carnation:
Simple solution: a weekend spent with your happy Chi Omega, Ballerina.
No disscussions, no pleading, just a weekend for her to enjoy fun, intelligent women living and working together. The bond that they have with each other will be obvious; and will evidence itself without "Mom" having to say one single word.

I'm sure it will work,
violets