What not to say to your alumnae/alumni

[AChiOAlumna]

Originally posted by 33girl
I didn't realize she was an advisor....that's different.

Lots of groups have policies that say you cannot be an advisor, especially to your chapter, if you have been out less than five years - just because it's very very hard to look at girls you have lived with, partied with and shared your love life details with and tell them "well this and that is what you should be doing."

Many times, these rules have been relaxed because there simply isn't the pool of women that there used to be for advisors - but I would advise (no pun) that she resign her position ASAP. She can maybe advise at another chapter or volunteer for the sorority in another capacity, but for now it sounds like this situation is not working at all and not fair to her or the collegians.

Sorry...I should've been more clear.....mea culpa...

I believe she's been out for about 4-5 years now, but she did end up resigning and began working with othr chapters and on a national level as a recruitment specialist helping out other chapters...I think the clear air has helped rejuvenate her enthusiasm towards the organization again...fortunately...especially since she has SO much to offer!

[Tom Earp]

It is a shame that many Active Members just ignor Alum Members until they need help.

While We as Alums have all lived the "GOOD LIFE" as an Active, We have been there and done it.

While times change, they realy stay the same, it is just the faces that change.

All Active Chapters run into the same problems We all delt with, recruitmen, Low numbers, financial problems, how to fill the house if there is one, pay dues, insurance, rent, utilities, etc. that we all went through.

If, all of the Greeks are like LXA, We require an Advisor.

Granted, some may be weak, but some are strong. Maybe more than one is advisable.

Two Heads better than one?

[AChiOAlumna]

Originally posted by Tom Earp
If, all of the Greeks are like LXA, We require an Advisor.

Granted, some may be weak, but some are strong. Maybe more than one is advisable.

Two Heads better than one?

We have a team of advisors that oversee different areas so one person doesn't have to feel so spread thin...we have a team of 10 advisors...it also helps us as alums support one another depending on the time of year and the events that need to be planned.

[winneythepooh7]

Originally posted by Tom Earp
It is a shame that many Active Members just ignor Alum Members until they need help.

While We as Alums have all lived the "GOOD LIFE" as an Active, We have been there and done it.

While times change, they realy stay the same, it is just the faces that change.

All Active Chapters run into the same problems We all delt with, recruitmen, Low numbers, financial problems, how to fill the house if there is one, pay dues, insurance, rent, utilities, etc. that we all went through.

If, all of the Greeks are like LXA, We require an Advisor.

Granted, some may be weak, but some are strong. Maybe more than one is advisable.

Two Heads better than one?

I agree with this post whole-heartedly. DPhiE is also trying to incorporate the multiple advisors theme. I just took on the responsibility of being an advisor for one of our chapters here in NY and have had a difficult time getting into contact with the chapter. A wise sister told me to remember that actives often associate alumnae (and definately the advisor) with Nationals which to actives seems to = BAD. I am sure it will work out, it just takes time. I agree with those of you that have said to get respect, respect needs to be given. I know that many alumnae have an attitude that when they walk into a room all should be dropped (because this may have been how things were back in their day, fine, times change). I don't think that is how things should be. BUT.............I think it is a way different story when it is an alumnae sisterhood event and bunches of alums are ignored by the actives. C'mon, if it is your ALUMNAE WEEKEND and you are having an event and it is all sisters there (and only sisters there), why would you not at least say hello to the alums? You can at least "fake it"......Another theme I see going on too that gets old really fast is some of us are getting "old" and don't want to go to mixers or events with the frats when we go to alumnae weekend. I would much rather go for an overnight where I am spending time with the sisters at the house, then going out to lunch or dinner and then to town. I think once we get to be over a certain age hanging out with 18-year-old frat boys is not fun anymore (no offense to any of you, but planning Alumnae Weekend around ABC and XYZ fraternity is not gonna get me and I am sure many other "older" alumnae excited about going........

[Speechpath]

When I went to help w/rush one time and was still working at midnight (on a weekday) one girl actually said to me "why are you here?" in a not so nice tone. Keep in mind this was not my chapter but a chapter in need of alum support badly. I knew why they didn't have more alums around!

[Nhfulmer]

A number of years when I was the General Advisor to a chapter, I was being introduced to what was then called a rushee. The sister told the rushee all of the positions that I had held and then added "That just proves that no matter how old you get, there is always something for you to do in Zeta". After the rush party, I really gave her a hard time but it was all in fun and actually I considered it a compliment.

Seriously, it is a shame that all collegiates don't appreciate the time and effort that many alumnae put into their chapters. I know that as a collegiate, we really appreciated our alumnae and always welcomed them to the house. When it was my turn, I just felt that I was repaying what those wonderful women did for us.

[AChiOAlumna]

Originally posted by Nhfulmer
Seriously, it is a shame that all collegiates don't appreciate the time and effort that many alumnae put into their chapters. I know that as a collegiate, we really appreciated our alumnae and always welcomed them to the house. When it was my turn, I just felt that I was repaying what those wonderful women did for us.

I remember when I was a collegiate we used to respect our alums..we would stand up for them when they walked into a room (okay..maybe that's extreme by today's standards, but we did!!).

Today, when I walk into an active chapter meeting as an advisor, I'm lucky if 4 girls acknowledge that I'm even in the room...in fairness, I try to approach them, but I don't get much reception....any ideas?

[ISUKappa]

Originally posted by AChiOAlumna
I remember when I was a collegiate we used to respect our alums..we would stand up for them when they walked into a room (okay..maybe that's extreme by today's standards, but we did!!).

I don't care if the girls stand for me when I walk into a room, but I would appreciate it if they were a bit more respectful when other alumnae are in the house, especially our older (70+ years) alumnae.

Please don't talk about getting a stripper for the new members while a member of the advisory board is within earshot. Or how fun said stripper was. Or how wasted you all were. I agree with SmartBlondeGPhiB on the "don't ask, don't tell" policy. I know I was far from the model sister when I was an active, I just prefer you not let me know what you're doing now (unless it's in direct violation with house/Fraternity rules).

[Tom Earp]

No, I do not agree with the "Dont Ask Dont Tell" theory!

Just look at the Risk Management Insurance that it is costing each of the chapters.

Respect is a two way street.

I expect respect from being a Founder of The Local and having put my time and money into working with My Chapter for almost 40 Years.

But, on the other hand, I give respect to the Members who have done the work to keep it functioning these almost 40 years.

Tit for Tat. They give me crap, It is given back 10 fold no matter if an Active or an Alum.

If we as Members In good standing who continually strive to work for the betterment of The Chapter and The National, there should be some respect.

If an undergrad doesnt realize that, how long will they be a good Alum Gone in 4-5 and forgotten? Oh Yes, We have Had Many!

[AOcutiePi4ever]

Originally posted by AChiOAlumna
I remember when I was a collegiate we used to respect our alums..we would stand up for them when they walked into a room (okay..maybe that's extreme by today's standards, but we did!!)

we ALWAYS stand up for alum... even recent ones, which feels weird sometimes.

[Speechpath]

When I went to help w/rush this year and walked in the room everybody stood up. I remember when I was in school we always stood for alums as well. It may be extreme but I do think it's nice.

[FSUZeta]

we also stood for alumnae, but times have changed and people are a lot less formal than they used to be.

i too don't want to hear what they got up to over the weekend, unless they are in trouble or rescued a blonde baby from being run over by a speeding delivery truck!! but i must say that the chapter i advise does seem to appreciate that we are there, and i appreciate that!!

[Speechpath]

And I must say, this year when I helped with rush we had several girls come up to us and thank us for our help. We told her she could repay the favor by helping when she's an alum too and I hope she will.

[Tom Earp]

Speechpath, the common curtesy of this day and age is gone normaly because of laziness of training many times.

Respect is learned and earned but should never be forgoten.

I have been to many LXA houses and chapters. Received Stand up and asking or saying Hi, I am so and so. But also the other way.

Wont mention the U. In Ok. but to busy playing Ping Pong to say high, how are you, I am so and so.

This should not be done for just Alums, but anytime a stranger walks in the door.

Courtesy is something that should be common.

Never know, That Stranger or Alum could be a big Donator or not!

Anytime I see someone I do not know if I am not tied up, I always try to Introduce myself.

Just try to never meet a stranger!

[AXO Alum]

Originally posted by 33girl
Are the alums giving the active chapter respect?

I mean, when I came back to visit, I didn't expect people to treat me differently than when I was a sister - I didn't expect them to give up their seat so I could sit, clean up after me, sleep on the couch so I could have their bed or anything like that. I didn't expect pledges to know who I was so I introduced myself. If I borrowed something I put it back where it went. We had a real problem when I was an active with alums just wanting their butts kissed, not introducing themselves, etc and then being upset because they were "disrespected." Yes, you should make alums feel welcome, but if they act like jerks they don't deserve respect.

DITTO!!

And DITTO for munchkins post too about showing up for more than just homecoming!