As an alumna, how WELL should you know a PNM in order to write a RecForm/Sponsorship?

[PenguinTrax]

I'm going to weigh in a little on this topic. Probably won't make some people happy, but here goes....


The NPC has the rule about chapters securing their own recommendations for a good reason. Not every NPC sorority uses the letter of reference process and on some campuses they are not allowed to use it at all. Some groups will only accept letters of reference from their alumnae, some will accept letters of reference from others. Some groups will only accept a form filled out with basic information, some require a detailed letter from someone that actually knows the PNM.

I have yet to meet a group that didn't have some sort of structure in place that could help obtain a recommendation (if required) if one were needed. My advice has always been, if you can easily find an alumna to write a letter of reference for you, great, if not, it is really not your responsibility to track these down. I went through recruitment without even knowing about recommendations and was pledged just the same. They wanted me badly enough, so they found a recommendation for me. Turns out one of my junior high English teachers was a ZTA alumna.


It kills me every year to see PNMs going nutso trying to track down recommendations. It's tough on them and it adds to an already stressful situation.

If you are an alumna and have been asked to provide a letter of reference for a PNM I say do what you are comfortable with. I know that I won't write a letter for someone I don't know. However, I did go out of my way both last year and this year to find alumnae in the PNM's area that might know her or her family and let those alumnae take it from there.

If I know a girl only slightly, then I provide an 'information-only' letter for her. If I know the girl (or her mother) very well, then I will write a more detailed letter.

Regarding summer contact - it depends on how involved an alumna is with the campus and with the individual campus rules. My feeling is that if Mary Alumna is an advisor of XY chapter at State U. and is being pursued to write a rec for a girl she hardly knows, but will be attending State U., it could violate summer contact rules. Especially if Mary Alumna wouldn't normally come in contact with the PNM.

It's kind of a grey area...sorry if this is not more coherent!

[AGDLynn]

I knew you'd come through!

Lynn

[33girl]

Originally posted by PnguinTrax
My advice has always been, if you can easily find an alumna to write a letter of reference for you, great, if not, it is really not your responsibility to track these down. I went through recruitment without even knowing about recommendations and was pledged just the same. They wanted me badly enough, so they found a recommendation for me.

Then why does the NPC put up with chapters doing what amounts to blind cutting of girls who don't have recs? From what I've read on here, at some schools if you don't have a rec going into rush you get cut immediately, without the sisters even bothering to get to know if they would "want you badly enough." Sorry if I'm being obtuse, but I still don't get it.

[amycat412]

Personally, I think NPC policy of chapters getting the recs is a load of &^%$ at many schools. For instance, to go into rush at an SEC school with NO RECS whatsoever is tantamount to disaster. i think the PNM that succeeds in that situation is the exception to the rule. PNMs WITH RECS will get the invites back, the girls in the houses simply have a better idea of who those girls are when it comes time to decide who gets invites to the next round.

Best advice I can think of is to be prepared. If your school has a more laid back rush, you're lucky. But do not go into a truly competitive rush unprepared, too many of the other PNMs will be prepared with as many recs as they can dig up. If you want to be a part of Greek Life, put in the effort to secure your own rec, it will help you stand out.

My $0.02.

Amy

[dzrose93]

Originally posted by 33girl


Then why does the NPC put up with chapters doing what amounts to blind cutting of girls who don't have recs? From what I've read on here, at some schools if you don't have a rec going into rush you get cut immediately, without the sisters even bothering to get to know if they would "want you badly enough." Sorry if I'm being obtuse, but I still don't get it.

33girl, you ask a very good question. The truth is that so many girls get cut from first round that it would be impossible for NPC to go around to every house and ask why each person was cut. There just isn't enough time in the day, and there are "bigger fish to fry" during Rush week anyway. NPC has so much to do already that adding another chore would be staggering.

Plus, the reasons behind cuts are private, chapter-only information so NPC not only doesn't have the time but also really doesn't have the option of inquiring. That's a simplified answer, there's actually a lot more to it than that, but it would take too long to go into all the particulars. I hope that this at least answers your question a little.

Greek Love,
dzrose93

[33girl]

dzrose, I agree, NPC has lots better things to do then find out "why" people get cut, not that I would tell them if they asked! My point is, why do they keep up this facade of "it's the chapter's responsibility" when it's well known that, as amycat said, going into an SEC rush w/ out recs is disaster straight ahead? Why can't they just tell the rushees to get them, and that each sorority will have slight differences within forms which the sisters giving the recs should know.

Plus, I've never heard of a rec getting looked upon unfavorably, even if it was at a school that didn't use them - we got one or two and we certainly didn't look at the recommended rushees negatively, even though it was an unfamiliar practice to us.

Tara, I didnt go thru Rush But my roommate did And i went to the Univ of Arkansas and they rely heavily on rec's. Being an SEC school as someone said they do rely heavily on those rec's that is what my room mate was told and i am just relaying over to here.


She buckled down and got a lot of recs for each chapter affliation on campus.


Hope that little bit of info helps.

Laura

[dzrose93]

Originally posted by 33girl
My point is, why do they keep up this facade of "it's the chapter's responsibility" when it's well known that, as amycat said, going into an SEC rush w/ out recs is disaster straight ahead? Why can't they just tell the rushees to get them, and that each sorority will have slight differences within forms which the sisters giving the recs should know.

I agree with you 110%... It would be easier on everyone if the rules were more clear.

I attended an information session for interested rushees in the Atlanta area a few weeks ago that was sponsored by the Atlanta Panhellenic Alumnae Council. Even the top women on the board there weren't able to tell the rushees if they should get their own recs or let the chapters be responsible for getting them! It seems to be a very confusing topic for everyone, alumnae, collegiates and rushees alike.

In the end, one of the past presidents of the alumnae NPC "strongly suggested" that it would be in the rushees' best interests to do everything that they could to get recs on their own, and that the NPC women in Atlanta would be glad to help them if they needed to contact someone for a rec. They gave out forms/applications for the girls to review and mail in if they couldn't find a particular org's alumna on their own. I think that is their way of helping to deal with the confusion. And, apparently, it works sometimes, because that's how two girls got recs from me last year.

But I still agree with you -- there's got to be a better, more clear-cut way.

[carnation]

Dzrose is surely right on that--there's got to be a better way.

I get the brunt of this in one way that makes me crazy. There aren't many Pi Phis in this town but there are a lot of girls who go to UGa and I get asked to write a lot of recs. Of course, some girls have horrendous reputations (you wouldn't believe what my husband saw one of them doing the night before HS graduation last week) and I don't want them to go Pi Phi! (Or any other group!) Then I have to decide whether to write an impersonal rec or a no-rec. Knowing the power of a no-rec, I only wrote 1 last summer and the group that did pledge that girl dropped her almost immediately.

Generally, I write a flowery, very good rec if the girl would be a great member and I know her. If I don't know her but others are raving about her and she has loads of good activities, I'll write a good one but mention that I don't personally know her. If a girl has great activities but I've heard bad stuff, I write kind of a stilted rec and the chapter often takes the hint...generally if a girl has made herself look bad, the news has gotten around town.

[dzsaigirl]

I've seen recs that said things like "wouldn't be a BAD choice..." or "not one to fight for, but a nice girl". So you are right that rushees who think that a rec means a good word for them are sometimes mistaken! Normally, when you see how the girls act in whichever groups those girls end up with (if any) you realize that the rec was right!

I am excited to be able to write recs, especially since I know lots of kids and will always be in contact with people who need recs. Unfortunately, the kids I know are not college age yet, still a few years to go, but once that first group of students hits college, it should be a pretty steady stream of them!

Moving up to New England, will people even ask for recs from me? I am thinking not. I won't be up there for very long though, so once I move back where it's warm and sunny I will get to write some recs.

[carnation]

bump!

[KillarneyRose]

Last summer I read several posts from a GreekChatter who was about to go through SEC rush. She was understandably very nervous and unsure of herself. I wrote her a PM with some advice and words of encouragement, she wrote me back and we continued to e mail one another whenever she had a question about greek life.

She mentioned one day that she had recs from all but three houses; Delta Zeta being one of them. I did not offer to write her a rec, but I suggested she give me a telephone call so we could chat a bit.

She did just that, and we talked for an hour and a half. I found that she was a polite, charming and intelligent young lady. She was active in her church, school and community and had outstanding grades. I felt that I got to know her better in a ninety minute one-on-one conversation than I had EVER gotten to know a rushee during rush week. At the end of the conversation, I told her I would write her a rec.

Understandably, not all of us would feel comfortable doing this. It is a judgement call. If I had not thought she would be able to uphold the ideals of my sorority, I would not have made the offer and, had she asked me, I would have politely declined.

The way I look at it is this...the Sisters that initiated every single one of us trusted us enough to share the Ritual with us. As we all know, that is never something to be taken lightly. Along with becoming a sister comes the responsibility to act in the best interest of our sisterhood. When I wrote a rec for this young lady, that is exactly what I felt I was doing.

I guess my longwinded post can be encapsulated in one sentence..."Use your judgement and do what you think is in the best interest of your sorority"

[kdonline]

For many years, I was the Miami, FL contact for recs for Kappa Delta. And boy, was it crazy!

In the early 90s, our Alumnae Panhellenic had a committee specifically for this. All of us from different sororities would pool our resources together (many of us were high school teachers, club sponsors, etc) and make a HUGE list (I typed it up for a couple of years). we also had a "Rush information party" where we hosted PNMs for a session on what rush is like.

really, this was a great way to see alumnae from ALL sororities working together..

Anyway, so we'd get this list & basically, we were on our own on whether or not we'd recommend a girl to our sorority. I used to write one up for every girl that looked great on paper, making sure to note "I do not know this girl personally".

Later on, this Panhellenic committee dissolved. And when the chapters would contact me for recs, I'd give a verbal, saying "If this girl makes it to prefs, I'll write the rec." I didn't get contacted much after that -- who knows if those girls pledged anywhere!?

Since I resigned from teaching a few years ago, the last of my former students are going through recruitment this year. Only one girl asked me for help -- she doesn't know any greeks. She is a fantastic girl, so I don't mind going out of my way to find other alumnae to help with rec writing. Our Miami network has, unfortunately, dwindled...but I gave it a shot & hopefully a few women will write a rec on this girl, based on her "former teacher's" opinion.

[justamom]

Write a letter for a complete stranger ??? NO.

Send in a form? Maybe.

If a second party knew the person WELL, and I knew the second party WELL-Yes.

[justamom]

I just wanted to add that I understand that there is a policy in place and stressing recs stresses PNMs. That said, I'd rather see a girl be "stressed" and running her tail off getting recs, as enough people have indicated can make a difference between being cut or not, than going in blind, paying the fees, buying the clothes, dreaming of sorority life only to be HEARTBROKEN when she is cut. That would be the bigger travesty. Lot's of girls have no idea what to do or how to prepare because they haven't been groomed. GC is one place where they can find out some of what legacies know and have a more equal footing.

Maybe it's because of the place I live and what I've seen. What I do know is my daughter would have been cut from 90% of the sororities if she didn't have a rec. It was a blanket statement by the Rho Chis. I'm glad we both took the advice seriously.