Adviser help - feeling unappreciated

[roqueemae]

My chapter had a 2-term president who would avoid alumnae and advisor calls. She would never schedule anything with the alumnae at all. She even decided that it would be too much to participate in founders day with them and just decided not to have a celebration for 2 years. She is now graduated and I am tryin to help the new exec board to find an area alumna who will work with the chapter. (I am only out of the chapter for 2 years-I am dying to be an advisor but I know it wouldn't be right.) She has burned so many bridges that alumnae don't want anything to do with the chapter.

So I guess that dittos those who said that chapters change rapidly and especially when new officers are elected.

[WesternAlumn]

Tom, to answer your questions, I graduated from the chapter in 1997 and went back as an advisor in 2001 (as I continued to live in the same city). I have little advisor training (other than a manual and my own gut feelings). I do realize that I am no longer an Active and I have not placed any rules of "the good old days" on the members at all.

Unfortunately, the chapter has little guidance from Head Office and other advisors for years (even during my time as an active). Only in the past couple of years has Head Office shown an interest in this chapter and an advisory board been set up. During my time as an advisor, the members seem content in their downward spiral and remaining the small group that they are.

Tom, I really applaud you for doing it for 40 years. You must be a dedicated member of your organization. Thanks for your comments.

roqueemae, it is so funny that you mentioned that. The new president mentioned in her survey to Head Office that no alum involvement was one of the weaknesses of the chapter, yet they do nothing for the alum - no emails or mailings about events, no updates on their website. How can they expect the alum to help out if no one what is going on? Talk about burning bridges...

[33girl]

Originally posted by WesternAlumn
Unfortunately, the chapter has little guidance from Head Office and other advisors for years (even during my time as an active). Only in the past couple of years has Head Office shown an interest in this chapter and an advisory board been set up. During my time as an advisor, the members seem content in their downward spiral and remaining the small group that they are.

roqueemae, it is so funny that you mentioned that. The new president mentioned in her survey to Head Office that no alum involvement was one of the weaknesses of the chapter, yet they do nothing for the alum - no emails or mailings about events, no updates on their website. How can they expect the alum to help out if no one what is going on? Talk about burning bridges...

I'll try to be nicer this time, but this post really confirms that you need to take a breather from this chapter. Basically everything AChiOAlumna said.

If you continue to view the current collegians as being in a "downward spiral" and they pick up that vibe, they're not going to embrace any of your ideas, or any help you might have to give them. You have to build on what's positive not complain about what's negative.

And I'll say again - not everyone wants to be the hugest sorority on campus. It's not a sin.

[AChiOAlumna]

Originally posted by 33girl
If you continue to view the current collegians as being in a "downward spiral" and they pick up that vibe, they're not going to embrace any of your ideas, or any help you might have to give them. You have to build on what's positive not complain about what's negative.

And I'll say again - not everyone wants to be the hugest sorority on campus. It's not a sin.

When the chapter I advise has problems, I go in and lead a group facilitation as to what can be done to move forward from the problem. I have training in this area and I don't lecture the girls during this process. I let it be their process and make them take responsibility to make the change. Sometimes it helps other times it impacts them, but doesn't make the changes that I know they're capable of. But...ultimately...it's not my chapter to determine what happens...it's up to the collegiates.

Where I do take control of the group is during periods where blaming, negativity or disrespect of others take place...then I jump in and process with the group how these behaviors are unproductive and swing back to a productive stance.

Maybe some type of facilitation to find out what your chapter needs vs. wants may help...but it needs to be done by someone who won't end up on the defensive if the advisor don't hear the answers they want...or by someone who will run the group with their own agenda...

[indieallee]

I'm in a unique situation. I've only been out of my chapter a year and a half, and I've been an advisor for a few months on the regional level (dealing with five or so chapters at one time). As an undergrad I was a rep to our GLO's Undergraduate Leadership Board, so even then my priorities were devoted to my chapter as well as the overall organization.

I've dealt with one chapter in particular that tends to ignore all alumni advisement and communication, until the Exec board decides to solicit donations. My solution was to have a heart-to-heart "conversation" with the board, connecting on a common level (due to our ages) and expressing the general sentiment of the alumni board, most of which graduated 10, 20, 30 years ago. This year the new Exec board has been a lot more cooperative.

But I agree that as you get older and somewhat distance yourself from your own chapter, you're able to switch priorities into advising for the good of many chapters, many brothers (or sisters, where applicable) and your GLO.

(Not even two years out...I've got a longgg way to go)

[adpiucf]

It is very hard to advise a chapter when you're newly graduated, even if it isn't your own chapter. For 2 years, the house mom at the chapter I advised couldn't keep it straight in her head that I wasn't one of the live-ins! (And it wasn’t my collegiate chapter, either!)

My advice to advisers, young or wise,

- You are a VOLUNTEER, not a martyr. Never forget this. If your volunteer position becomes a drain, finish out the school year and submit your resignation to the chapter and the national officer who appointed you. Be professional, but also explain why you are leaving. And look for other ways to be involved in the sorority--- you will find your niche elsewhere. It’s your life. If your adviser position isn’t working out, your negative energy and unhappiness, like happiness, is catching.
- When starting out, watch and learn. Observe the chapter; ask questions about the culture of the chapter and the advisory board. You’re here to fit in. If you try to change everything overnight, you will alienate everyone around you. This is also true of the workplace!
- Brainstorm with your officers when you meet them. Review their role and yours together. Let them run with their ideas if they don’t violate any laws or sorority policies. Let them take ownership.
- Encourage regular telephone and face-to-face communication with your officers. Email is one-sided communication, there is no guarantee of timely receipt of the email depending on when you check it, and tone of “voice” can be misinterpreted.
- Don’t micromanage. They are responsible for contacting you and meeting their deadlines. Help them learn time management by providing them with calendars or dropping an email (email is ok in moderation!) once a month with deadline reminders, but don’t baby-sit them. They wanted to be leaders--- let them learn how. If they don’t do what they are supposed to, there are consequences—informal meetings and documentation—things that can prevent them from going onto future leadership roles and things that will teach them NOW the importance of time management and follow-up so they don’t make this mistakes later on as working career women.
- IMPORTANT: Advisers ADVISE. Chapter officers do their own work. If the women aren’t violating any laws or sorority policies, let it be. Let them learn from their mistakes.
- Chapter members will cover up mistakes. They are used to being punished when they mess up, and they will view you as “sister-parent.” Go into your adviser-officer relationship with your officer understanding she won’t be belittled or punished for admitting errors and that you are here to help each other. Then, live that credo.
- Sandwich your criticisms between praise. This goes for the workplace, too. You have to be encouraging in order for anyone to accept feedback.
- Rotate attending chapter meetings with the advisory board. Make sure the chapter knows who you are, what you do “in real life,” how to contact you and that you are a volunteer.
- The advisory board needs to present a united front. Unless the chapter house is burning down or there’s a seriously injured member standing in front of you, don’t act without the advisory board. A divided advisory board can rip a chapter apart.
- Encourage a supportive relationship with nationals through guest speakers at chapter, a pen pal program, reporting successes to nationals and membership education workshops on what it means to be a national chapter.
- If it’s not fun, what is the point? Every alumna has special talents to share. Maybe you’re not a fit with the chapter you advise or your talents might be better served working with alumnae rather than collegiate officers? Or you are great at making presentations—be a guest at a member education workshop. Or serve a national committee. If you’re in a situation with the sorority where you’re not happy, I again encourage you to finish out the school year, be professional about it and then go your separate way. Everything is a learning experience, both for you and the organization!

[TxGirl]

Adpiucf is right on. Just remember, Rome wasn't built in a day and a chapter that hasn't had an advisor in 6 years won't want ony in a day (no matter what they say) either. I was in a situation very similar when I started advising - I was a year out of school, working with a chapter that hadn't had advisors in 4-5 years (and didn't want them), had no alumnae relations and truely were in a downward spiral (they just didn't realize it). After 10 years the chapter is where it needs to be, finanically, scholastically and membership/recruitment-wise.

The thing to realize is that you have to work on the big problems first and leave the other stuff for the next round. As hard as it may be, let them make their own mistakes and don't say "I told you so". Try to know all the members (or at least a lot of them) not just exec b/c exec (usually) only has a one year term. If you are building relationships within the chapter it will help down the line because those are your future leaders.

It will take time, but it will become the norm for the chapter to have an advisor. Of course this will take three or four years (until all or most of those lived in a world without advisors are gone) but it will all be worth it.

And like others have said, it's not about the appreciation from the chapter (although it is nice to get it), it's about furthering your sisterhood and supporting an organization that you love and believe in. When they get to a point that they realize that they need advisor (not just you, but all their advisors) then the recognition will come.

Remember, summer is the time that everyone (collegiate and alumnae) recharge their sorority batteries so to speak. Take the time to step back and not do anything with the chapter - don't even think about them. You'd be surprised how refreshed and revitalized you will feel come fall.

I know it can be a long road to haul, but in the end the success of the chapter is really worth it. Their success IS your success.

[Tom Earp]

Of course, I cannot speak for any other Greek Organizations but LXA, We do require a Chapter Advisor.

It has seemed to work by getting a Member of the Faculty as an Advisor for two reasons.

1. To have a friendly voice on board with ins above the Undergrad level with the Adm.

2. Having a person older and wiser who could be Initiated as a Member.

Our last two were Faculty, one was not Initiated, the last one was and now His Son is also His Brother!