No place for average PNMs?

[gee_ess]

To be fair, I do think that most of the PNMs have no idea that their parents are posting their recruitment woes on the internet. KKGDGMom does not really give any info on how her daughter is actually dealing (negatively or positively) with this turn of events. We just have the mom's very emotional reaction. Hopefully, the daughter has moved on.

I am of the opinion (regarding most of the angry mom posts through the years) that they are like Serena Williams' outburst at the US Open - an emotional outburst that she is not very proud of and probably not her normal behavior. We have all had them.

We GCers probably just need to get a thicker skin. We KNOW that the mom is upset and not likely to react rationally to our advice (even though she asked for it). Each time a mom like this shows up, we get just as insulted and incensed as the mom because she is not listening to us. Seems to me that we are trying too hard to make someone understand when it becomes clear she doesn't want to.I am not denying this mom said some ugly things (The country club comment? Come on, Lady) but it doesn't change the fact that good advice was given, others will read it and learn, and, most importantly, we cannot change the way kkgdgmom feels. She is not in the mood, not now at least.

Regarding the new poster, I guess he/she is also entitled to an opinion. I am planning to ignore him/her.

[CougarGrad]

I'm confused. Were any comments deleted from this thread? I see a mom with a disappointed daughter who came out shooting, and a few GCers with some matter-of-fact commentary, but the only snarkiness I see is comments about country clubs.

Just axin'.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by CougarGrad

I'm confused. Were any comments deleted from this thread? I see a mom with a disappointed daughter who came out shooting, and a few GCers with some matter-of-fact commentary, but the only snarkiness I see is comments about country clubs.

Just axin'.

Nope, I don't think so. It's the typical disappointed mom thread.

Mom shares her disappointment and seems to ask or challenge GCers to explain how her daughter could have gotten these results.

Users answer with reasons why girls often get cut.

Mom gets mad because there's no way these reasons apply to her daughter.

Some posters feel mom's pain; some posters snark again.

The usual.

[gee_ess]

Originally Posted by UGAalum94

Nope, I don't think so. It's the typical disappointed mom thread.

Mom shares her disappointment and seems to ask or challenge GCers to explain how her daughter could have gotten these results.

Users answer with reasons why girls often get cut.

Mom gets mad because there's no way these reasons apply to her daughter.

Some posters feel mom's pain; some posters snark again.

The usual.

This!! Maybe we should just cut and past this as the first response in the next unhappy mom thread. It will save us and her a lot of time!

[Barbie's_Rush]

My experience is the apple doesn't usually fall very far from the tree. For instance, I have no doubt that ellebud and srmom's daughters are as lovely and gracious as their mothers and their recruitment results have and will reflect that. But if, as in the case of kkgdgmom, mom is so insufferably ungracious to the point where she herself can't even see it, I doubt if she or her perfect daughter realize how they come off to others. A little self awareness goes a long way, and it seems to be something that is sorely lacking in many "perfect" pnms (and their mothers) these days.

[UGAalum94]

Sadly, in my experience with girls rushing lately, the jerks tend to get bids and it really is some of the sweeties who end up dropping out* because they don't like their results. As far as I know, none of the girls I'd characterize as sweeties were absolutely cut out of rush, but when, probably because of shyness, they only get a couple of invites to the next round, they cut their losses and drop out.

In my experience, outcome doesn't always equal pnm merit.

*Not all the girl that I've know who dropped out are sweeties, but some of the least successful rushes that I know of were girls with great character who looked good on paper and were cute, but they were introverted and didn't have a chances to shine in the big recruitments.

ETA: on the other hand, these girls and their parents have the humility to not find fault with the entire system and instead just conclude it wasn't for them.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by UGAalum94

Nope, I don't think so. It's the typical disappointed mom thread.

Mom shares her disappointment and seems to ask or challenge GCers to explain how her daughter could have gotten these results.

Users answer with reasons why girls often get cut.

Mom gets mad because there's no way these reasons apply to her daughter.

Some posters feel mom's pain; some posters snark again.

The usual.

THIS.

[ellebud]

OMG, thank you!

I do know the pain of having a daughter not get the results she wanted. (I made reference to what happened in previous posts.) I will reiterate that there are rules that are unwritten. My daughter knew what to wear. She was a professional actress so she knew how to talk to strangers. But in the end, this is life and how you move on from disappointment AND success tells who you are. And despite my older daughter's past diappointment she was thrilled for her younger sister's successful recruitment.

I think that some of the disappointed moms aren't necessarily heliparents. They are hurting for their child. If you remember I had that flash during my daughter's recruitment when my daughter wasn't invited back to a favorite house. I swallowed hard and went on. And so did she. And that, I think, makes all the difference.

[KSUViolet06]

Good read.

[AuburnMom85]

Interesting thread. I'm so glad this is over......what an exhausting process!! My daughter just went thru recruitment and ended up with a group she absolutely loves. On paper, she was probably just average. Decent grades, but not exceptional, some leadership positions....but not Miss Everything. What I DO think she had going for her was her goofy, laid-back attitude. Ice Water Teas were pretty superficial, I think, but from that point on some of the conversations she had were so funny. Sure, she talked about philanthropy, etc.... But she also talked about some funny stories about being a non athlete on an athletic team. Several dropped her along the way, but she ended up right where she was supposed to be.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

I think average PNM's, too, have to watch their "poker face" going through rush. I was active long before the RFM days, but I think that women who said certain things about being from a high school that all went XYZ or being involved in an activity that all go ABC could be easily cut from even chapters with a lot of invites, because the chapter presumes they have their minds made up.

[NorthernMom]

My child has the RBF. Inherited from me. She made great efforts to overcorrect during recruitment ;-)

[jolene]

Reading through this thread and the daughter who was an Elite model. When I was a Rho Chi, a Miss Everything went through rush (our Greek system is smaller and girls in different orgs hang out and know each other well). She pledged the sorority everyone knew she wanted. She turned out to be a total headache for that chapter. Even though she was gorgeous, a cheerleader at our uni, etc, the other sororities basically had one universal thought: Thank God we dodged that bullet! She wound up transferring after her freshman year. Her chapter was probably on the verge of booting her and then she thought it would be easier to transfer and go alum. The next fall I was helping as an alumna and there was a model who went through. She got cut heavily. It made many chapters wary of the mega beautiful special snowflakes who rushed.

[jolene]

Cloudburst, this ^^ times a billion. Do you mind me asking who you preffed? Since you liked them all, I figure there's no harm in sharing the names. I hope more people read your post and girls join the org that's the right fit for THEM and not who's who according to gossip or what boys say (yes, I'm calling them boys). It makes me think of that cray cray UT mom whose daughter and her obsessed over ranks. (She must have spent too much time on GR.) The crazy thing is that at a campus like UT, the 'top' sororities are only considered the top because they've been there the longest and not because of any legit reason. KD and Alpha Xi are the 'newer' kids on the block (I think our chapter recolonized there in the 1960s--yes, the chapter has been there in its current form for 60+ years and is considered 'new.')

I bet a lot of girls who join according to so-called rank and not where they click have a lukewarm to bad experience with their sororities--just guessing. Go where you feel at home no matter the 'tier.'

[AZTheta]

I personally don't want to know names of chapters, or the school. It lets us all think "maybe she's MY sister" and regardless, I don't see the benefit of calling out any chapters (positive OR negative). Why? Once you start naming names, you've easily got the school, all the chapters, and you're essentially perpetuating the whole "tier" business that you speak against, jolene.

I don't know anything about reasons for why some are "top" because frankly it varies all over the place (from campus to campus, even in the same city or state) and I really don't care. That is all way in the distant past. I'm focused on Panhellenic sisterhood and love my membership in my local Panhellenic group. Have so many good friends in every NPC group that's represented (and have NPHC friends also FWIW).

To each her own.