Advice for PNMs: Not getting a bid to your 1st choice. - Page 3

KSUViolet06 · #1 08-03-2010, 01:15 AM

Yeah, but most of the time, a PNM's gut feeling of "this is not right for me" is moreso a reaction to the hurt/disappointment of not getting their first choice.

If everyone who got their 2nd choice went with their gut (which is usually "I don't want this") they'd drop out on Bid Day and we wouldn't have any "happy in 2nd choice" stories to tell.

It really does take time to let that initial hurt subside for you to determine if something is right.

Not everyone "just knows."

Alumiyum · #2 08-03-2010, 10:15 AM

I reminded girls who listed that second choice after pref and then got it on Bid Day that they are now unable to join any other sorority on campus for one year. So why not TRY for a little while at the second choice? I don't know the numbers, but I'm betting more girls get a sorority that wasn't their top choice than girls that get that top choice. And just about every time, they're perfectly happy in that second choice. Go with it. Keep in mind that building relationships is work and that no matter which choice you get, you'll have to work to bond. That's true of everyone and every true friendship-it's not limited to sororities. Give it your all and see what happens. You'll probably end up perfectly happy where you are.

33girl · #3 08-03-2010, 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

I reminded girls who listed that second choice after pref and then got it on Bid Day that they are now unable to join any other sorority on campus for one year. So why not TRY for a little while at the second choice?

Yeah, exactly. In for a buck, in for a quarter. If you still feel SUPER uncomfortable at the end of pledging (usually 6-8 weeks) you can opt not to be initiated.

aephi alum · #4 08-03-2010, 01:19 PM

Great thread!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

I reminded girls who listed that second choice after pref and then got it on Bid Day that they are now unable to join any other sorority on campus for one year. So why not TRY for a little while at the second choice?

This.

You're bound to the sorority that bid you for one calendar year, i.e. until next year's formal recruitment. And, as others have pointed out, if you do decline your bid and rush again next year, you're likely to find your options much more limited.

So there is really nothing to be lost by starting the new member program with your second/third choice sorority. You'll get to meet your pledge sisters, and you'll get to meet sisters you didn't have a chance to meet during FR. You can have a nice long chat with a sister, without having to shout to be heard, and with both of you knowing that she's not going to get bumped in a couple of minutes.

As your initiation date approaches, you can make a more informed decision about whether to make that lifelong commitment. You have now spent several weeks getting to know the sisters and your pledge sisters - rather than just a few hours in the craziness of formal recruitment. Now ask yourself if you would really rather not be greek than initiate into this sorority - and if the answer is yes, then depledge.

If you just tear up your bid card and run to your dorm room in tears, you may end up missing out on an awesome experience.

pretty-in-pink · #5 08-03-2010, 11:17 AM

wow! thanks for this bump! I will definitely remember this during recruitment!

DeltaBetaBaby · #6 09-14-2010, 10:29 PM

A few more things:

1) A lot of women don't feel 100% at home until their sophomore year, when they actually move into the chapter house with their new sisters. This is totally normal.

2) On bid night, some chapters give girls something like a temporary big sis, with real bigs chosen later. If the girl paired with you on bid night is not the one you hoped for, it is not a reflection on you. The fact is, on the active side, some women are great rushers, and others are not. When we do the pairings, there are actives who know zero of the new women and we have to do our best to pair them with a new member based on something like major or common interest or something. This is often a very hectic process that takes place in a matter of minutes as we get ready for the NM's.

3) All sororities have formal, and barndance, and mixers, and everything else. All sororities get paired for events with frats that have some hot guys and some fugs.

4) Having friends in other chapters puts you in a great position for things like running for student government. Heck, just being greek makes other greeks more likely to vote for you.

rollthedice · #7 09-14-2010, 11:12 PM

Also, I know I am not really in the place to be giving advice here since I DID get my first choice, but please don't say rude or condescending things to girls who got a bid to your first choice and are happy. It's not fair.

(One of my "friends" has been a real piece of work lately. She almost brought me to tears yesterday. Why? because I got into her first choice house while she got into a house she wasn't interested in but still put down on her bid card. She was accusing me of being disloyal to her and selfish. She was acting like I should de-pledge since she didn't get a bid and we're friends.)

ellebud · #8 09-14-2010, 11:50 PM

ummm...no you're not...friends I mean.

southbymidwest · #9 09-15-2010, 12:22 AM

Yeah. Like they say, "with friends like that who needs enemies?" Real friends, despite their own disappointment, are happy for their friends who got a bid to their first choice.

KSUViolet06 · #10 10-14-2010, 03:18 PM

bumping!

AXOrushadvisor · #11 10-14-2010, 05:07 PM

I ran across this statistic today looking for something else on our recent recruitment. I thought it might be worth sharing in this thread.

Number of PNMs Receiving
1st Choice 587
2nd Choice 56

The thing that I find fascinating while I read recruitment stories is that most of the time when women don't get their 1st choice I go back and read what they said about their 2nd choice. There are usually very positive things said about their second choice and the Chapter is usually ranked top 5 going into Preference. So maybe they are not their "real" second choice because that group that they ranked as "2" didn't invite them back so they are 3, 4 or 5 in their ranking. I think that these young women get so caught up in only wanting to be in their number one choice coupled with the fact that they don't think they will ever get their second or third choice (sort of the "this wont happen to me") that they have a hard time getting past the disappointment.

DeltaBetaBaby · #12 10-14-2010, 09:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AXOrushadvisor

I ran across this statistic today looking for something else on our recent recruitment. I thought it might be worth sharing in this thread.

Number of PNMs Receiving
1st Choice 587
2nd Choice 56

The thing that I find fascinating while I read recruitment stories is that most of the time when women don't get their 1st choice I go back and read what they said about their 2nd choice. There are usually very positive things said about their second choice and the Chapter is usually ranked top 5 going into Preference. So maybe they are not their "real" second choice because that group that they ranked as "2" didn't invite them back so they are 3, 4 or 5 in their ranking. I think that these young women get so caught up in only wanting to be in their number one choice coupled with the fact that they don't think they will ever get their second or third choice (sort of the "this wont happen to me") that they have a hard time getting past the disappointment.

What school are you at?

At my school, women preffed at 3 house, and I think it was more like 60% getting their first choice, 30% getting second choice, and 10% getting third choice.

Alumiyum · #13 10-15-2010, 08:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AXOrushadvisor

I ran across this statistic today looking for something else on our recent recruitment. I thought it might be worth sharing in this thread.

Number of PNMs Receiving
1st Choice 587
2nd Choice 56

The thing that I find fascinating while I read recruitment stories is that most of the time when women don't get their 1st choice I go back and read what they said about their 2nd choice. There are usually very positive things said about their second choice and the Chapter is usually ranked top 5 going into Preference. So maybe they are not their "real" second choice because that group that they ranked as "2" didn't invite them back so they are 3, 4 or 5 in their ranking. I think that these young women get so caught up in only wanting to be in their number one choice coupled with the fact that they don't think they will ever get their second or third choice (sort of the "this wont happen to me") that they have a hard time getting past the disappointment.

I think on my campus the statistic isn't quite that stacked, but I remember as a Gamma Rho listening to everyone's stories of recruitment one night. I think about three of us got our first choice. No one else did, and all of them were happy, active members who couldn't imagine being anywhere else. None of them indicated they regretted taking a bid from their second or even last choice.

Gatorbaby · #14 10-14-2010, 09:45 PM

Great advice! Though I'm still a NM myself, I have something else to add:
Rush didn't go fantastically for me. Maybe it was my hair, maybe it was my make-up (or lack thereof - I am an advocate of a very natural look), maybe it was my conversational skills. Heck if I know, and heck if it matters.
Houses keep you if they think you'd fit in. These ladies know. Take Rush with a grain of salt. It isn't a reflection on you, your personality, or your intelligence. It's speed dating to the maximum which, apparently, I'm not fantastic at. Anyhow, I adore the house that I picked (and who picked me!), so things really did (and do) work out for the best. I'm still settling in, but have found some remarkable women in my chapter that I can look up to and who have been kind enough to befriend and mentor me.
Anyhow, I did get my top choice, we are a top house on campus, and I have met some good friends in my PC as well! I am very proud to represent this organization as a newly-initiated sister!

Barbie's_Rush · #15 10-14-2010, 10:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gatorbaby

Great advice! Though I'm still a NM myself, I have something else to add:
Rush didn't go fantastically for me. Maybe it was my hair, maybe it was my make-up (or lack thereof - I am an advocate of a very natural look), maybe it was my conversational skills. Heck if I know, and heck if it matters.
Houses keep you if they think you'd fit in. These ladies know. Take Rush with a grain of salt. It isn't a reflection on you, your personality, or your intelligence. It's speed dating to the maximum which, apparently, I'm not fantastic at. Anyhow, I adore the house that I picked (and who picked me!), so things really did (and do) work out for the best. I'm still settling in, but have found some remarkable women in my chapter that I can look up to and who have been kind enough to befriend and mentor me.
Anyhow, I did get my top choice, we are a top house on campus, and I have met some good friends in my PC as well! I am very proud to represent this organization as a newly-initiated sister!

Was that supposed to make a disappointed new member feel better?