Possible Thread: What to Do if You're Released from Recruitment

[tcsparky]

In another thread, someone mentioned having a "fallback" sorority when ranking. This can be hard for someone who isn't as savvy about the sorority tiers, but for a PNM who has done her homework, it sounds like it could be a strategy to keep from being completely released. As long as she honestly LIKES the fallback group and could see herself being happy there.

[FleurGirl]

Originally Posted by tcsparky

In another thread, someone mentioned having a "fallback" sorority when ranking. This can be hard for someone who isn't as savvy about the sorority tiers, but for a PNM who has done her homework, it sounds like it could be a strategy to keep from being completely released. As long as she honestly LIKES the fallback group and could see herself being happy there.

I think this is a great idea. It's kind of like applying to college. I don't care if you're a 4.0 homecoming queen with a perfect SAT score who cured cancer her junior year, you don't just apply to Ivy League schools and expect it to happen. You apply to another school you like as well where your chances of being accepted are higher, just in case!

[Cheerio]

Originally Posted by wcjane

I'm reading and trying to absorb everything you're all saying. I'm also trying not to panic. I feel like it's like college admissions - dream school which has a 1% chance of happening, reach schools, 50-50 schools, safety schools. I'm ok with that. I have a completely open mind right now because I don't know any better. I'm a little nervous and hope I'm able to quickly figure out what is what for me and rank like I did for college admissions.

In preparation, you have been asking the right questions, and carefully reading the responses. I think you'll have a fine recruitment.

[MTSUGURL]

It's old, but I'm replying anyway - with my own experience as well as a bit of advice.

I went through recruitment as an upperclassmen, as a transfer and as a nontradional student. I had taken three years to work after I started out a very expensive private school with a major that I had no idea how I could use it in real life. (3 strikes already in most cases.) I had a less than stellar GPA. I was confident in who I was, I was involved in other campus organizations, and I had friends in sororities. I had recs for every group on campus but one that I assumed I wouldn't want, and 3 for my favorite.

Bottom line: I was not who they were looking for, but I was encouraged to try. I had been super involved in high school, but with an average GPA. I knew nothing about Greek life to the point that I pronounced Chi Omega wrong for 3 weeks before I went to school the first time and thought I wouldn't like Kappa Delta because one of their colors was green. I was the first in my family to go to a four year college, and if anyone I knew well was an an alumna of a sorority, they never mentioned it.

I was cut in the round before pref parties, and yes, I was disappointed. There were a few tears. I was drawn then not to the college experience, but the experience I could have as an alumna; honestly, this was the part I mourned. My Rho Chi was in tears, and actually met me with her twin sister who was also a Rho Chi and in the same sorority. She told me that I was a phenomenal person, and that had she been there she would have fought for me. I stayed close to these two girls for the rest of the time we were in college, and became good friends with a few other girls that I had met that told me how disappointed they were that they didn't see me again during recruitment.

No matter how much the girls in the sororities may have enjoyed my company, I was an illogical choice. They would have gotten two years out of me; being honest, I would likely not have enjoyed many mixers, etc. because I was simply in a different stage in my life. I do regret not going through recruitment MUCH sooner, and I regret not doing the research and preparation before I started my freshman year. I am still a bit wistful when friends talk about being involved in their alum chapters or helping out an active chapter, and if I have a daughter and it's something she wants to pursue I'll make sure she's more prepared than I was.

Be realistic. Know yourself and whether or not you can handle being rejected, but also if you go through recruitment and you are rejected, make an effort to nurture the friendships with girls that you feel you truly "clicked" with. You may have some wistfulness over this particular area in your life, and that's ok, but don't focus on it to the point that you miss some truly great experiences because they didn't come with Greek letters.

And PLEASE, PLEASE, if you join a service GLO, a local GLO, or another organization, go into it with a clean slate. They are different organizations with different purposes and structures. Love them for what they are and don't try to fit them into the mold of an NPC sorority.

[misscherrypie]

I pretty much went through almost the same sort of situation, so am offering my two cents.

Originally Posted by MTSUGURL

It's old, but I'm replying anyway - with my own experience as well as a bit of advice.



I went through recruitment as an upperclassmen, as a transfer and as a nontradional student.

Bottom line: I was not who they were looking for, but I was encouraged to try.

I was completely released after second round, and yes, I was disappointed. To say the least.

Be realistic. Know yourself and whether or not you can handle being rejected, but also if you go through recruitment and you are rejected, make an effort to nurture the friendships with girls that you feel you truly "clicked" with. You may have some wistfulness over this particular area in your life, and that's ok, but don't focus on it to the point that you miss some truly great experiences because they didn't come with Greek letters.

Yes! Yes! Yes! I would NOT have become a member of an organization that offered many of the same experiences that I hoped to experience as a member of a NPC/MCG sorority if it wasn't for me going through recruitment. I daresay that I'd probably have had one friend for a short time, but I would NOT have made the lasting and heartfelt friendships that I've made during the past year since going through recruitment.

And PLEASE, PLEASE, if you join a service GLO, a local GLO, or another organization, go into it with a clean slate. They are different organizations with different purposes and structures. Love them for what they are and don't try to fit them into the mold of an NPC sorority.

I don't completely agree with this. If you want to be involved in an organization of a certain type, and those doors are closed for you....I daresay, get involved in activities that offer similar benefits. I did that (and Beta Sigma Phi isn't what I'm referring to) and it's proved to be the best decision that I could have ever made.

I will say, the Beta Sigma Phi chapter that I helped to found WAS started in an NPC mold. That was what we wanted and that was how we operated during the first few months of our existence. When we found that such a modus operandi was NOT what would allow us to thrive as a Beta Sigma Phi chapter and some disasters along the way, through pledge training and learning more about the organization that we are a part of......we began to modify how we operated. We still are proud of the traditions that we created as a chapter when we were founded.....but we have become much more...Beta-like in how we operate and what we do together as a chapter.

So, while I wouldn't recommend Beta Sigma Phi to all non-traditional students who are upperclasswomen who still feel the pull to become part of a sorority after being released from NPC Recruitment....it certainly was the right choice for me. I will admit that I struggled with my feelings of not belonging in the way in which I thought that I should have belonged for MONTHS after recruitment. To the point where I needed to seek therapy. Which I got and which did help.

Yet, I did find the right organizations to belong to. And I believe that is really, at the heart of it all, what women who are released from recruitment really want. Time does take care of the rest.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by MTSUGURL

It's old, but I'm replying anyway - with my own experience as well as a bit of advice.

I went through recruitment as an upperclassmen, as a transfer and as a nontradional student. I had taken three years to work after I started out a very expensive private school with a major that I had no idea how I could use it in real life. (3 strikes already in most cases.) I had a less than stellar GPA. I was confident in who I was, I was involved in other campus organizations, and I had friends in sororities. I had recs for every group on campus but one that I assumed I wouldn't want, and 3 for my favorite.

Bottom line: I was not who they were looking for, but I was encouraged to try. I had been super involved in high school, but with an average GPA. I knew nothing about Greek life to the point that I pronounced Chi Omega wrong for 3 weeks before I went to school the first time and thought I wouldn't like Kappa Delta because one of their colors was green. I was the first in my family to go to a four year college, and if anyone I knew well was an an alumna of a sorority, they never mentioned it.

I was cut in the round before pref parties, and yes, I was disappointed. There were a few tears. I was drawn then not to the college experience, but the experience I could have as an alumna; honestly, this was the part I mourned. My Rho Chi was in tears, and actually met me with her twin sister who was also a Rho Chi and in the same sorority. She told me that I was a phenomenal person, and that had she been there she would have fought for me. I stayed close to these two girls for the rest of the time we were in college, and became good friends with a few other girls that I had met that told me how disappointed they were that they didn't see me again during recruitment.

No matter how much the girls in the sororities may have enjoyed my company, I was an illogical choice. They would have gotten two years out of me; being honest, I would likely not have enjoyed many mixers, etc. because I was simply in a different stage in my life. I do regret not going through recruitment MUCH sooner, and I regret not doing the research and preparation before I started my freshman year. I am still a bit wistful when friends talk about being involved in their alum chapters or helping out an active chapter, and if I have a daughter and it's something she wants to pursue I'll make sure she's more prepared than I was.

Be realistic. Know yourself and whether or not you can handle being rejected, but also if you go through recruitment and you are rejected, make an effort to nurture the friendships with girls that you feel you truly "clicked" with. You may have some wistfulness over this particular area in your life, and that's ok, but don't focus on it to the point that you miss some truly great experiences because they didn't come with Greek letters.

And PLEASE, PLEASE, if you join a service GLO, a local GLO, or another organization, go into it with a clean slate. They are different organizations with different purposes and structures. Love them for what they are and don't try to fit them into the mold of an NPC sorority.

First, fancy seeing you around these parts lately.

Second, I wanted to comment on the "staying friends with sorority members and Rho Chis" aspect of this post (for the benefit of other PNMs reading.)

Some people go on to make friends with their Rho Chis and other sorority members, so those relationships may continue after bid day for those who receive bids (as you will see each other at different events.)

I know we talk a lot about recruitment being a place to meet people and your Rho Chi being a great resource and possibly a shoulder to cry on. Those are true. Some people REMAIN friends with their Rho Chis even when they don't get bids (i.e. MTSUGurl.)

However, I would caution those who don't receive a bid to recognize that after Bid Day, your Rho Chi and sorority member friends go back to being sorority members.

This means that you may not travel in the same circles, see each other everyday, etc. Your sorority member friends and former Rho Chi may not have time to hang out or be your shoulder to cry on like they may have been before or during recruitment.

Please don't take offense to this. It's not that they don't like you, are avoiding you because you aren't Greek, etc. It's just that people get back to their busy lives, sorority membership, etc. and don't always have time to be your shoulder after recruitment is over.

I've seen women get really sad/offended that their Rho Chi doesn't want to hang out and stuff after Bid Day (esp. when said PNM is released.) So just something to think about. I'd never want a PNM to be like "I didn't get a bid, then after Bid Day my Rho Chi never hung out with me. I thought she was supposed to be my friend, what gives???"

[KSUViolet06]

I think a lot of what you said is good advice.

You go on to talk about how you started out trying to make Beta more NPC like and how much trouble that caused you guys as newer members.

I would highly suggest that any PNM who chooses to join a non-NPC after recruitment AVOID doing that.

NPCs and orgs like Beta are apples to oranges. They are not similar.

They both have Greek letters but that's kind of where the similarities end.

It's important for PNMs to realize that you cannot substitute Beta, Alpha Phi Omega, etc. for an NPC experience.

Should you choose to join one of those, it's important to DIVORCE yourself from the expectation that your experience in this org is going to be like Delta Gamma, Chi O, etc. It's not.

If you spend all of your time trying to make Beta/APO/etc. like the orgs you didn't get a bid to, you're going to end up missing the point of your org entirely.

You're also going to end up alienating women who don't WANT BSPhi/APO to be like XO and are okay with it being WHAT IT IS.

Ex: If APO doesn't do Greek Week, and you join APO and constantly push for them to do Greek Week "like the sororities" you are going to start annoying people who REALLY DIDN'T JOIN APO FOR THAT.

So just recognize that these orgs are not a bandaid for a failed recruitment. They have their own things going on and you need to alter your expectations in order to fully appreciate them.

[misscherrypie]

KSUViolet: Perfectly stated!

[misscherrypie]

Another observation:
A lot of the same experiences I shared and still experience with my Beta sisters and with my Amby (Student Ambassadors) family are what I was looking for in NPC sorority life.
I've been to formals and socials and parties, spent nights getting dolled up with upteen girlfriends, we study together, and experienced the new member periods and go for late night runs for food, we've seen each other at our best and at our worst. We also share traditions and rituals and retreats and memories galore. Two of my Beta sisters graduated from school and the Ambys this year....and they passed on something special to me after they'd BOTH graduated, with the instruction to pass it on down to one of our fellow Beta/Amby sisters when I graduate next May since she will still be a student here. They'd received the object from an Amby before them, who received it from an Amby before THEM.

It was such a 'simple' thing.....but the meaning behind what they gave me....I just started to cry right then and there. And THAT was when I came to truly and utterly love the place in which I ended up.

They're not the same exact experiences, but you cannot make A peg fit into C hole. It just causes trouble, chaos and....shall we say it....doesn't make anything better. C peg fits into C hole perfectly and when you relax and enjoy (and don't forget about school! That comes first!) things will fall into place for you. I promise.

[SWTXBelle]

Bump

[MTSUGURL]

I really believe that the reason that my Rho Chi and I stayed friends and I was able to build actual friendships with some of the other girls that I met was BECAUSE I was an upperclassman that had already had some other activities, other friends and other things that filled my time; these were also the girls more likely to be in my classes so we worked on projects together, etc. Recruitment, and then Omega Phi Alpha were a part of my life, but not my WHOLE life. I was able to talk to them about more than sorority recruitment, and of course never acted the part of the hanger-on that begged, "So do you think they'd want me now? Could you get me a bid?"

[KSUViolet06]

^^^Right. I don't know if anyone has had the experinece of having one of your friends not get a bid to your sorority, but it's awkward. Same for Rho Chis/SRCs who have girls in their groups who don't get bids. It's already awkward, but when that girl wants to hang out and talk about how she didn't get a bid or ask abour COR opportunities, it gets even MORE awkward.

[gammaphislobeta]

I have a second hand experience at University of Alabama, Tuscaloosa. My CA niece went thru rush as a Freshman in Fall 2012. She had a 3.0 GPA. She was told she needed a 3.0 to be successful in recruitment but this info was very misleading. No one cared that she had a diagnosed learning disability or that her Jr./Sr. years GPA was 3.8. She knew that it was going to be difficult from the get-go, especially for out-of-state girls. She had 1-2 recs for all but 2 houses. She had 6 years of community service, earning several awards for her work. She also had a 20 hour a week job for her Jr. and Sr. years. She was dropped by 13 of 18 houses the first day and retained only 1 house after the third day. She was assured that she would receive a bid to her sole remaining house had she remained in the process but she chose to drop out. After rush was over, she was told by several girls that they wanted to extend a bid to her but that the choice was not theirs (come to find out that is true after hearing about the AL sorority rush race scandal). She decided to meet and get to know as many Greeks as she could and to work hard on her GPA. This paid off. Not only did she improve her GPA (3.5 her first semester) but she changed her mind on her preferred sorority and received a bid during COB (continuous open bidding for those who find acronyms so annoying!) during Spring, 2013 semester. She is a very happy camper and her mother was happy she avoided the continuous partying subjected to Fall pledges (4 parties a week, rather hypocritical to ask an exhausted brand new freshman to retain their good GPAs under those circumstances). Her GPA did suffer but she has resolved to study in the library rather than the sorority "study room". There is hope after an unsuccessful rush, even at AL. She was planning on going thru Fall, 2013 rush until she received her bid in Spring, 2012. It would've been a nerve wracking experience but a strong girl is capable. Improving GPA, joining campus clubs, volunteering off-campus...any or all of these can help a previously unsuccessful rushee. Work hard, keep an open mind and meet new people. And good luck!

[carnation]

TTT!

[AGDCanada11]

Bumping this one!