"the one chapter for me"

FuzzieAlum · #1 02-22-2002, 01:28 PM

I keep seeing rush stories on here. And it seems that almost every time a girl says, "I'm rushing ... and there is only one chapter I really clicked with," we read later, "I didn't get a bid." Whereas girls who say, "I liked Z and Y and Z" almost always end up somewhere.

Now I understand that if a campus has only one or two chapters, it's very likely you'll only like one. But most Greek systems are larger than that.

We're all told during formal rush, "Don't suicide, keep an open mind," but we all know that a lot of rushees do suicide and don't keep an open mind. (No, I'm not saying they should accept a bid from a chapter they truly dislike, but if there are four or more chapters, I do find it hard to believe there is only one place they could be happy.) And there are some sorority members who encourage this, but frequently this desire for one particular chapter comes from the rushees themselves.

So what can we as Greeks do to make the system work more like it's supposed to, to discourage girls from deciding one and only one chapter is the home for them? These girls unintentionally set themselves up for heartache and may miss out on the Greek experience entirely. I know when I went through rush, I made some snap judgments about chapters that I regret now - not that I wish I had joined a different house, but that I let silly things prejudice me against certain chapters. (I dropped A Phi because their hair was too big ... I mean, that's not really mature thinking.)

Why does the system, despite its best intentions, end up with so many girls single-preffing?

brookeazd · #2 02-22-2002, 01:51 PM

Hey Fuzzie! I understand where you are coming from. But I also believe that the option of going suicide (did I spell that right?) during formal rush should still be made available. I know my bid card only said Alpha Xi - and this is because I knew they were they only ones for me. I don't think a girl should have to put a second or third choice down if they really don't want that sorority. When they sign that bid card it is a "contract" that is good for a year. If they don't match with their first choice and then get a bid from their second or third choice and decide not to pick it up, they are possibly taking a spot from a girl who really wanted that sorority (you know the whole quota thing). Then that bid is the only one she can pick up for a whole year because she signed her bid card that way.

I really hope I am making sense. I'm not sure if this is how it works at other schools but it does at my alma mater. I just think rushees should be fully informed of all of their options. Things such as snap bidding and COB. That way they know their options when they make such a serious decision as signing a bid card.

Hope all that is clear as mud! Ha!

Stay Alpha Xi Delta Proud!

Xi Love,
Brooke

GiantsChic · #3 02-22-2002, 06:03 PM

I somewhat agree with what you're saying, that there may be more than 1 group that a girl could fit into, but i know that in my situation, it wasn't like i only wanted 1 house out of the 9 on my campus... it was more like i got cut from other houses that i liked, and by the time pref nite came around, i was only invited back to 3, 2 of which i knew i did not belong in... so it isn't like all the girls who suicide are picking one house out of the whole bunch, you need to take into account the houses that they get cut from... i know that we were only allowed to put down houses on our cards that we had been invited back to pref. I guess it's just different for everyone.

maggieaxid · #4 02-22-2002, 08:34 PM

I think everywhere is different, and that rushing is a very individual decision. And I have found that the larger the chapters, the more diverse the group, the more places people feel comfortable.

ErikaXO · #5 02-22-2002, 11:18 PM

I agree with you completely, but I don't think you are ever going to get some rushees to be open to more than one chapter. Unfortunately oftentimes these girls come into rush with the wrong idea about what they want to get out of a sorority, and they have the wrong attitude.......you hate to say they get what they deserve but in some cases it's true. The best rushees are the ones who find something positive, something good to say, about every chapter. Maybe they don't really see themselves in certain houses, but if they can come up with just one good thing about them then they have the right idea.

AchtungBaby80 · #6 02-23-2002, 11:11 AM

For me, I had a tough time deciding who to cut each day of recruitment...out of 12, there was only one chapter I truly disliked. There were good points about each of them, and I know that if I hadn't gotten my first choice, I would have been fine in my 2nd or 3rd choice.

But I can see how other people may think differently, or how it would be harder on smaller campuses with fewer groups.

justamom · #7 02-23-2002, 01:52 PM

FuzzieAlum, I can only speak about my daughter's experience and I think a lot of it boils down to the individual. Most of the girls were fresh out of HS and approached rush with expectations that a similar "reward" system to existed in college. Remember, all it took was a pleasant personality, good grades and attractveness on some level to be a part of the social scene. Someone pointed out that almost every girl going though rush had these qualities to some degree. I know most of her friends expected to be sought after by ALL the sororities unaware that so many variables like the number of girls/legacies/friends/quota etc. would have a major impact on the outcome. GC helped her (and me) come to terms with the competitive nature of rush. She was prepared for the very real possibility of NOT getting a bid from any of the sororities. I don't think enough rushees realize this. How do you inform them without breaking their confidence? (Which I believe is a VERY important quality to have during rush)

I just had lunch with one of the mothers of a girl who was a legacy and CUT. It was the first time we have "talked" since it happened. I think she was more devistated than her daughter. To be honest, I STILL can't figure out the WHY when I see who they did pledge from our area... ANYWAY-not only did she think/know she would be an XYZ, she felt certain she would have her choice of the "top" sororities because a "friend" all but told her she was in. She ended up droping out after the second round.

Now compare that to my daughter. She went in with NO expectation, only hopes. Yes, she was cut by one she REALLY liked, but was more like, "Oh, well" when others cut her. She did have the "luxuary" of cutting as well. She was carried farther by all the sororities than her friends-and I believe this too helped on the confidence level. So, since this really was a saga, let me just say for months, I stressed "GREEK" as opposessed to "a" sorority and gently tried to inform her she could get cut across the board. Did being prepared for the worst and happy with what she found make a difference? I tend to think so. She is one of those lucky ones who honestly CAN'T see herself anywhere else.

33girl · #8 02-24-2002, 08:45 PM

I agree with Brooke that the option of going suicide should be availiable, unless it can be shown that it's being used to get around the system. A lot of my chapter sisters did go suicide - they would have never taken a bid from another chapter. For myself, even though I was 75% sure I wanted ASA, I still wanted to explore my options and see if one of the other groups was a better fit. Then again, I had seen some friends go through rush hell, so I knew there was no such thing as a sure thing.

I think one of the things we could do to prevent it is use cold statistics. For example, if 70 girls suicided and only 10% of them got a bid, then say that, or better yet say "90% of women who 'suicide' do not receive a bid from the sorority of their choice.". If only 10% of those unbidded girls go on to participate in Greek life at all, say that too. I think rushees are so caught up in the excitement and even though they hear about other people not getting bids, think "that won't happen to me." Like JAM pointed out they're still thinking on high school level. Using statistics like that might sound negative, but it's no different than reading the college guides and seeing that Harvard, for example, only accepts 50% of applicants. With those odds, if you place all your bets on Harvard, you're either very optimistic or very stupid. Rushees need to understand that going suicide is a serious matter and it could have very bad consequences. Duh, that's why we call it that!

I don't think just saying "keep an open mind" will make anyone do it, but maybe if they realize that close-mindedness can keep them out of Greek life altogether, they'll give some of the sororities that they dismissed a second look.

AGDLynn · #9 02-24-2002, 08:58 PM

I agree that at some point before the parties actually begin, that the PNMs be given a handout so that they can read later that gives the suicide history of that school. Perhaps the actual sororities wouldn't be mentioned..it probably wouldn't have to be. PNMs would probably figure that out by all the hype they've heard about a particular group - true or not. But at least they could get a more realistic picture that "if I'm not the only one suiciding, what happens then..."

Peaches-n-Cream · #10 02-24-2002, 10:22 PM

I do think that an open mind is the best way to go through rush. I might have recounted this story earlier, but I'll repeat it at the risk of being redundant. There was a freshman who went through Spring formal rush and wanted a particular sorority, she suicided them, and wound up without a bid. Next semester, she went through informal rush with only this sorority and again no bid. She went through formal rush again as a second semester sophomore. She wasn't so picky this time, but she preffed only two sororities, and again she wound up without a bid. Everyone felt so sorry for her. Finally, in the Fall of her junior year, she went through informal rush again, but with an open mind and a sense of humor. (You have to have a sense of humor to rush four times!) She finally got a bid from the second sorority that she preffed. She was so happy! She probably could have spared herself a lot of disappointment if she had kept an open mind from the beginning, but she probably wouldn't have appreciated her bid and her sorority as much.

SAEalumnus · #11 02-24-2002, 10:27 PM

"the one chapter for me" is the one in which I develop life-long friendships with people I'll eventually invite to my wedding, to my children's weddings, etc. This sort of relationship can never be developed in any one week or formal rush period. I've been an SAE for a while and there are still some people with whom I don't feel as close as I could be - BUT - I'm quite happy with my decision. And so the "one chapter for me" is the one which introduced me to some of the closest and best friends I've ever had.

LexiKD · #12 02-25-2002, 05:07 PM

I do agree that the option of suiciding should be offered, but I think if we didn't rush and just assigned women to chapters it would turn out the same.

Don't get me wrong I am a KD Dork and have not a thing to say otherwise, but I would have loved any chapter at my school. I would not have fit in with all of them but all 26 NPC groups have so much to offer women that it matters not where we go, it matters what we do once they get there!

cougar15 · #13 02-27-2002, 12:02 AM

My rush experience reads the following:

I went the distance the summer before rushing getting recommendation letters from my family (legacy to 3 different houses), then proceded to get recommendations from family friends and people in our community. In high school I was involved in everything, and had good grades. Well I show up with all of these preconceived ideas of wanting to go with the houses I am a legacy to. I was coordial to all of the other houses, but still had that thought in the back of my mind. They kept me up until pref day, then I was dropped by all the legacies. I didn't want to go any of the 3 houses that did invite me back, but the one that I was somewhat interested in. My Rho Chi came that night and we talked about it, she advised me against suiciding, but I did anyway because I was so worried about being offered a bid by one of those "other houses." So on bid day I was offered a bid to that house, but that night I turned them down because I didn't want to be there. I think suiciding like I did didn't hurt my experience any because I honestly know I wouldn't have been any happier with those other houses after seeing how they acted on-campus when school started, just weren't for me.

Now I totally regret my behavior, but there was just so much pressure to get into the "good" houses several of which I was a legacy to so I didn't want to be associated with the "other" houses. It was just a rough time since it was the week before school started and being thrust into the college scene all at the same time as rush. I wish I could go back and do it all over again, I have really thought about it. I am a sophomore now so I guess I technically could, we will have to see! In a way I would like to go into it without all of the recommendations because I found out later by reading posts on here about some of the specific organizations that I was a legacy to and the individual chapters handled things all wrong. Plus I would be able to go in there with so much less stress!

Just thought I would share that!

aggieAXO · #14 02-27-2002, 02:37 AM

I had 2 friends that "suicided"-luckily they got there first choices but I know they would not have accepted a bid from the other sorority so it all worked out. I definitely agree that we should have the choice to suicide.

imsohappythatiama · #15 02-27-2002, 03:53 PM

Cougar wrote....
In a way I would like to go into it without all of the recommendations because I found out later by reading posts on here about some of the specific organizations that I was a legacy to and the individual chapters handled things all wrong.

Cougar, what do you mean by the statement "the individual chapters handled things all wrong"?

I strongly doubt that any active on GC would divulge what had occurred with regard to recommendations during any specific recruitment period.

Can you clarify what you mean?