Relationships

goodies247 · #1 09-25-2000, 10:15 PM

Hello Ladies! I was wondering why it seems so hard to leave men that are obviuosly no good for us in the first place. I am 21 so I know that I have a lot to learn in the relationship arena. I've always been able to go my own way but why does it have to hurt so bad? In case you haven't already guessed I'm in that situation right now. The guy doesn't know but our next conversation will be our last. Meanwhile I can't help but think of the way he "USED" to treat me and how sweet he "USED" to be. Now he's just plain neglectful and doesn't seem to care.

Thanks,
Goodies

AuLait · #2 09-26-2000, 12:13 AM

Hey Goodies,
I don't think there is a single reason as to why women stay in poor relationships. I do feel that often times people get so comfortable that they don't think they have to work hard at a relationship anymore. Many of us know how to get the man/woman we want but alot of us don't know how to keep him/her.
I hope everything goes well with your situation.

Classy_Diva5 · #3 09-26-2000, 04:17 PM

Well I can't speak for every sista that has been in your situation but I can tell you this....

One of my closest friends has been in a relationship with her guy for almost 4 years-now during this whole time, all he's done is cheat, lie, and intentionally do things to hurt her. She found naked pictures of other girls, would hear his celli ringing at 3 in the morning, etc. She would break up with him time and time again, but nonetheless she would come running right back to him. She would say things like "Well, I know he loves me; we're just going through a tough time now..." and other things of that sort-basically making excuses to cover his tracks.

But after so many times of getting hurt, she had come to realize that the only reason that she put up with him and his nonsense was because she was scared-scared to be alone, scared to go out and meet new people, scared to start over with a new relationship. Staying in this relationship not only made her weary of relationships, but it also hurt her self-esteem and confidence; he had her thinking that no one else would want her. But she finally became true to herself & realized that this was not healthy, and that she could do better.

Now, this may not be your case, but I think that what she told me had a lot of truth in it. I hope that this can help you out in one way or another!!

God Bless
Classy_Diva5

Classy_Diva5 · #4 09-26-2000, 04:18 PM

SORRY FOR THE LONG POST!!!!

affinity8 · #5 09-28-2000, 01:42 PM

Hello Ladies, I am a new SF to the forum, but I would like to comment on goodies247's topic. I think the reason it is difficult to make a clean break from a bad relationship is because there is a lot of reminiscing about how it/he "USED" to be. Women have a reputation of trying to change a brother. But what they don't realize is that we are not trying to change him, we are just waiting, hoping, praying that the man we met in the beginning will surface again. You have to admit, we are all on our best behavior in the beginning of a relationship but when the facade fades and the masks come off...who are the two people left? You have a woman who is into her man (usually) and loves the fact that they have gotten closer and know things about each other, you also have a man who wishes the mystic was still there. When the mystery is gone and familiarity sets in, men lose interest and women bust their AS*** trying to make things go back to how they were. But if he wasn't who he profesed to be, then we're left trying to "make" him into the man we want, thus the problems begin. I don't know your situation, only that you are hurting and girl I have been there. The only words to leave you with is something that helped me get through.... Know that you are a child of light, you are an extraordinary creation by God and no one can break you! Especially not a man who can't display actions of a gentleman.

darling1 · #6 09-28-2000, 07:27 PM

Goodies,

Here are some things that I believe cause women to remain in unhealthy relationships:

Lack of self-esteem
Lack of self-love
Dishonesty--that is being dishonest with yourself
Not reconciling the issues from the past
Not following your intuition
Lack of self-respect

There are probably more but those were the first that came to my mind

.

bamitszash · #7 09-24-2009, 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by goodies247

Hello Ladies! I was wondering why it seems so hard to leave men that are obviuosly no good for us in the first place. I am 21 so I know that I have a lot to learn in the relationship arena. I've always been able to go my own way but why does it have to hurt so bad? In case you haven't already guessed I'm in that situation right now. The guy doesn't know but our next conversation will be our last. Meanwhile I can't help but think of the way he "USED" to treat me and how sweet he "USED" to be. Now he's just plain neglectful and doesn't seem to care.

Thanks,
Goodies

i was in the same situation =\ only i was 17 and he was 21 sometimes ya just gotta let people go =[

Little32 · #8 09-24-2009, 06:27 PM

And sometimes you gotta let a post go.

Appreciate your spirit ladies but the original post is about nine years old.

Hopefully the OP has moved on by now.

Dreadloc'd Diva · #9 09-24-2009, 06:47 PM

For me,it was the opposite. The man I left was a good man,until he started becoming possessive and controlling. He even accused me of cheating while he was out of town. Then he started looking through my cell phone;after that I became both unhappy and afraid that he might hit me,so I told him how I felt and ended it. I haven't seen him since. One of the best things to do in a relationship is to follow your instincts.

btb87 · #10 09-24-2009, 11:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Little32

And sometimes you gotta let a post go.

Now THAT was funny!

PinkDIAMOND · #11 09-28-2009, 01:54 AM

Most people don't know what they have until it is gone. I'm sure he will realize the error of his ways once you leave him. Sometimes you have to leave a person alone to let them remember how much they loved you.

love1god · #12 10-31-2009, 11:41 PM

All I can say is that your 21, I, myself am 20 and I won't lie I'm used to having either a long term relationship or a dating prospective on hand. But just last week I heard one of my girls say something profound. "I am too young to worry about where a relationship is going." At our age there is just so much more that should be priority in your life. At this point if it is stressful and things aren't what they used to be cut them off. I KNOW ITS HARD. But in the long run you'll be better off for it.

Just imagine if things have changed already for the bad... how bad is it or will be in the next few years, then once your married, with kids... IT'S not worth it.

AKA_Monet · #13 10-31-2009, 11:52 PM

I didn't even know this post existed! Wow has life changed for many people since its original post date.