What would YOU do?

[3lephant]

Okay, so I've weighed the pros and the cons in my head, but I don't feel like I know enough about the long term effects of the decisions I need to make not to come ask for help.

So here's my story: I'm a true freshman at a major university and I've been here for about a month and a half. When I got here, I went with my friends to my first major party on campus at a fraternity where we knew a friend of a friend. Since then, I've had a great deal of fun with this fraternity at the expense of not getting to REALLY know other fraternities. Sure, I've visited a couple (3 to be exact), but that doesn't account for a large percentage of the frats on campus and I didn't really spend a ton of time there. Now I'm a pledge at the fraternity that I spent all of my time at, and while I love the group of guys there and the parties are pretty fun, I feel like I didn't get to see the whole picture before I made the decision to rush (I was an early bid). A lot of my close friends are also pledging with me and a few of us are having our doubts now. We've had a few people drop out already and some of the losses were really emotional for some of the brothers in the house and it felt like a huge loss to us as a pledge class. We're really close friends as a pledge class and the brothers are sweet, but the house is trashed and they have an undeserved reputation on campus (basically a bunch of false gossip that got way out of hand). On top of all of this I have an extremely busy schedule with 2 jobs, classes, and a couple of organizations that I'm involved in.

Here's a list of my pros and cons.
Pros:
-The brothers are really chill, whenever I stop by, even when it's not an event or I'm asked over, I have a decent time
-The location of the house means that living in the house (which they really push so we have enough tenants to keep the house) would put me in a great spot on campus and save me money
-A lot of my close friends from outside of the frat are pledging as well
-I like to party
-Although the chapter itself is relatively new, the fraternity itself is very well known internationally and has a huge network of famous and influential people

Cons:
-They have a bad reputation on campus (it's undeserved, but it stuck unfortunately)
-The house is DIRTY. Not just frat dirty, dirty at a level that makes other frat houses look like a sorority. The house is in bad repair as well with obvious issues.
-If I'm initiated, I can't go back and change my mind later
-My schedule is super busy and I can barely make the pledge events. I feel like I'm falling behind
-A lot of the brothers smoke reefer and although I used to and I'm very tolerant of it, I'm sort of bothered when the entire house is smoking and I'm the only one who's doing anything else.

So I'm asking you guys, what would you do if you were me? Also, if you need more information to help you out, let me know.

[LaneSig]

*You like the fraternity and feel comfortable there? Stick with it. Yes, you might have meshed just as well with another fraternity, but then again, maybe you wouldn't. The grass is greener syndrome.

*The house is horrible? Get your pledge brothers to work on it as a pledge project. You don't have to do the whole house in one weekend or semester, but set a goal (cleaning all the trash, painting the living room and kitchen, etc.). Next semester's pledge class can take over where your group left off.

*Undeserved reputation? Work on it. Every other week, pick a different sorority to do something nice for them. We did things like bringing them giant cookies from a bakery (they may be reluctant to accept home-made goods from a fraternity), offering an evening escorting service (girls who needed to walk from the library back to their dorm/house/car can call a specific number and arrange for a member to escort them in order not to walk alone across a dark campus).

*Busy schedule? Talk to your pledge leader, tell him the pressure you feel. Maybe he can help work something out. You also need to let him know what's happening so that if you miss something, the brothers don't think you are just skipping out.

*Brothers smoking reefer? Just say, "No, it's not my thing" without making a big deal out of it. I wasn't a big drinker in college (2 drinks at the most). I didn't act judgemental or anything with the guys who got sh**faced at parties (or on a Tuesday), I just did my thing. A couple of years after graduation, one of the members told me how he respected that I just quietly did my thing and didn't call them out for doing theirs.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by LaneSig

Brothers smoking reefer? Just say, "No, it's not my thing" without making a big deal out of it. I wasn't a big drinker in college (2 drinks at the most). I didn't act judgemental or anything with the guys who got sh**faced at parties (or on a Tuesday), I just did my thing. A couple of years after graduation, one of the members told me how he respected that I just quietly did my thing and didn't call them out for doing theirs.

yup. This is the big difference between college and high school. College students (who are usually poor) have learned to embrace the "you don't? Cool, more for me" angle. If you don't sit there and tch tch at them, no one will care. (As long as you don't have a video camera, lol)