crying on Bid Day

[Munchkin03]

Originally posted by Jill1228

I cried for 2 days when I did not get into my first choice university!

Hey, I cried too when I didn't get into my first choice for Grad School, but that's okay 'cause it's a certain university in Cambridge. I still can't imagine someone crying over a sorority, unless they were dropped early or were a no-bid. I'd say suicide if you really cannot stand those other two choices, and being in that house is more important than being in Greek Life in general.

[AOcutiePi4ever]

we have 5 sororities at my school, and i think about 200 girls rushed with me last year. i might be totally off, but i think practically everyone (if not everyone) got their first choice at our bid day cuz for some reason i remember them making an announcenment after we received our cards that such a phenomanal thing happened... wow we must count our blessings!

[KillarneyRose]

Originally posted by Munchkin03
Hey, I cried too when I didn't get into my first choice for Grad School, but that's okay 'cause it's a certain university in Cambridge.

Hey Munchkin
So, where will you be attending grad school? I figure it's either a certain university in the East Village or a certain university in Morningside Heights! PM me if you'd rather!

Tracy

[Senusret I]

Just want to horn in for a second....as everybody can see by my signature, I am in two fraternities that don't have a rush/selection procedure like NPC (and NPC-like) sororities. So, ever since I joined GC, I've used it to kinda learn what it's all about.

I also went to a school that didn't have the system.


I can totally understand why a woman would be very upset to not get her first choice. Totally. Go ahead, go banoodles if you want to.

But I don't know....I feel like it's in bad form to cry in front of the women who CHOSE you to join their sisterhood...the women who decided, hey you, we think you have what it takes to be one of us.

Now, disappointment I can understand....and being a bit salty on bid day, i can understand. i am the type of person who gets quiet when disappointed about something, and it makes it seem like i have an attitude...give me a few hours and i'll be fine.

BUT.....I don't know....I don't think that if the PNM has a crappy attitude that the sorority should be responsible for making them feel at home.

And maybe this is the NPHC side of me speaking, but if someone came to either of my fraternities looking unhappy to be there...THEY CAN LEAVE! And I am not going out of my way to make them feel at home.

I hope I haven't misinterpreted the whole system...thanks for letting me share.

[sugar and spice]

It's stuff like this that makes me mad that so many Rho Chi's are encouraged to encourage (lol) their PNMs NOT to suicide, even if they have no intention of joining that house. (Or even worse, where those who suicide are punished in the bid-matching system by matching them last or something.) If the girl can't see herself in that house and would never join, why in the world should she list them on her pref card?

[nauadpi]

I have not seen the girls crying on bid day for not getting a house, but we have had the girls who just are real quite and dont get into it. The big thing we do there is to just try to get them involved. The bigger problem I have found at my university is girls who open their bids then just walk out, cause they didnt get their first choice. The problem is that the girls are sitting on their bids in the stadium seats of the soccer field, and the sororities are waiting down on the field and the girls come running down to their sorority after they open their bids, and girls can just slip out the back too easily if they are initially happy.

[Aphigal]

I don't know if there is a "perfect" bid extension process. At URI they slide the bids under the pnm's dorm room. Well one girl who matched Alpha Phi (it was her first choice) didn't get her bid (the rho chi's) slid it under the wrong door! So she got upset and went to find her girlfriend at XY house. XY house didn't match quota so they offered her a bid. In the meantime the CA and Dir of Rush went to the XY house to explain the situation to this poor pnm. Well XY PINNED HER knowing she was bound to Alpha Phi!!!

The greek advisor got involved, it got sort of messy but the girl was allowed to come back to Alpha Phi.

[trisigmaAtl]

bid day dissapointment can be very overwhelming and confusing. I know a girl at one school who was rushed so hard by ABC and went all the way to pref where the girl preffing her told her: "You are going to be so happy here" the next day she opened up her envelope and saw XYZ instead. She then had all of two minutes to prepare herself on the walk to meet her sisters. The way bid day works makes it very hectic, you don't get alot of time to adjust or think about your options. That's maybe why alot of girls go to bid day and then depledge, they don't want to not show up and ruin their chances with the second choice, but at the same time they don't really have time to sort through their emotions. I understand how it could be construed as disrespectful or inappropriate, but when you've had five minutes to adjust and the girls who have made you feel like "you're not good enough" are very close by and you have been stressing over the outcome of this day for months (check out the all the pnm's questions already), and you have been up late and overstressed for five to ten days it can be hard not to cry!!!!. This is especially true if the 1st choice sorority makes you feel like the will bid you. So I don't hold tears against anyone, there are definitely cases of sisters coming out of MS in tears too because of how stressful it can be. Sometimes the "thought" of being in XYZ on paper is alot different than the reality of being cut by ABC in real life and actually joining XYZ. So i think that the second choice chapter should just do what they can for the nm and hopefully things will work out. The girl in my story never depledged, but wasn't happy, she later dropped out of her school and transfered for unrelated reasons.

[AXOKatie]

thinking back on my own experience rushing as a freshman, i know that if i had not gotten into alpha chi, i wouldn't have cried on bid day - but i would have cried later for sure! since rush is so early, i really had no clue what greek life was about or what other chapters were *REALLY* like on campus (like the girl who saw how XYZ sisters were behaving in an unladylike way after bid day)...my second choice on my pref night card (you have to pick 3) would have been sooooooo wrong for me in the end...i know it probably would have helped if i had talked to some older non-Greek friends before i preffed so i could get other opinions

[astroAPhi]

I was prepared to cry like a little baby if I didn't get a bid from Alpha Phi. Because of the pressure not to suicide, I didn't, even though I should have. But if I had gotten a bid from XYZ, my 2nd listing on my bid card, I probably would have sucked it up and joined. I would have gotten along well with what would have been my pledge class, but I'm not sure about the girls who would have come after me. Who knows if I would have stayed.

But sometimes life has a funny way of working out. We had a girl join a few years before I did who KNEW she wanted to be XYZ, but put Alpha Phi second on her pref card because she went to both prefs. On Bid Day she opened her card and saw Alpha Phi, not XYZ. She was heartbroken. She made her way over to her new sisters and tried not to cry as she accepted her bid. 3 years later she was Greek Woman of the Year for the entire campus and was very proud to be Alpha Phi. She realized later that Alpha Phi had been a much better match.

But on the flipside, we had a girl who thought she was getting a bid from XYZ who got a bid from us, and pinned, but depledged immediately afterward because XYZ realized they had made an oops. But she never ended up afilliating after her one-year waiting period.

[Munchkin03]

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
I figure it's either a certain university in the East Village or a certain university in Morningside Heights!

Well, I just signed a lease on an apartment on West 118th at Amsterdam.

[KSUViolet06]

I'm confused, but probably b/c I didn't go through formal.
Why would you cry over a group that you obviously listed on your card? You shouldn't put a group on your card that would make you CRY if you got a bid.
Listing a group you don't want just for the sake of getting a bid isn't worth it.

I also DON'T agree with sororities who try to "cheer up" PNM's who don't want to be there just to keep them from dropping.
If someone came to my bid day crying tears of sadness, I'd gladly let them go.

[Adelphean1851]

Originally posted by sueali
This happens alot at my school, not just my chapter but at least 3 others too. At my school the PNM's pu there top 3 choices down and are encouraged not to suicide, and many times girls get their second and third choices. I'm not really sure why this is. The year I went through recruitment everyone that went to pref got a bid.

Yeah that happend alot while I was there too. I remember it was a mark of status who had the most girls cry over not getting them. Sad I know but true.

We've had it go both ways, one of my favorite sisters bawled her eyes out on bid day but now couldn't picture being anywhere else. But we've also had girls depledge within a week.

[sirfidelgrl]

A couple of years ago two girls going thru rush together became close and both wanted us on bid day. Well that day they decided they would open each others bid day cards.. well one of the girls didnt get us... imagine the other poor girl having to give her friend a bid day card that didnt have the sorority she wanted on it! It was awful! not to mention after she ran down the steps to the other sorority she ran over to our group and cried.. right in front of her new sorority sisters! (thats the part I didnt like) well, she stayed with xyz up until the last week of pledging and then depledged. she ended up getting COBed by the sorority (we only have three!) on campus and seems really happy. I think things happen for a reason. I know when I was going thru rush I signed my pref card, I thought, I can be happy with either phi mu or XYZ. but I know now I was born to be a phi mu! my advice, give her some time to adjust... and if she sticks it out, you have to believe she really wants it!

Tiffany

[MSKKG]

Originally posted by JocelynC
I'm confused, but probably b/c I didn't go through formal.
Why would you cry over a group that you obviously listed on your card? You shouldn't put a group on your card that would make you CRY if you got a bid.
Listing a group you don't want just for the sake of getting a bid isn't worth it.

I also DON'T agree with sororities who try to "cheer up" PNM's who don't want to be there just to keep them from dropping.
If someone came to my bid day crying tears of sadness, I'd gladly let them go.

Sometimes Greek Life/Panhellenic won't allow suiciding, so the PNMs have to put other GLOs on their cards. If you go to a pref party, you are somewhere on the GLO's bid list. Even if you are the last name on the list, you could still get a bid.

Emotions are running high during recruitment. These young ladies are trying to find their way in a new environment (for the freshmen anyway), but too often they listen to other people's opinions rather than their hearts, which is why their knee-jerk reaction to a bid to their 2nd choice GLO is crying. So many times (like what we've read on GC), once the crying stops, these are some of your GLO's best members, and they are thanking their lucky stars that the other GLO didn't give them a bid!

As far as cheering up a crying PNM on bid day, it's kind of a 2-fold thing. You are trying to help her through a difficult time, but you also don't want her to affect the other new members with her crying. Once the dust settles, cooler heads prevail. If she really can't see herself a member of your GLO, then it's best for both sides that she depledge.