Rudest PNM You Had to Deal With

[YesNoMaybe]

Last night I was hanging out with some of my sisters and women from another chapter on campus. We were discussing how recruitment is coming up and one of them brought up a horror PNM story. We were thinking, real life examples might be the best exercises for new members who haven't recruited before to hear so they know the curve balls that sometimes get thrown during recruitment. Plus, some of the stories may provide a good laugh or for entertainment

My friends story was that during her house tour, she was walking ahead of her PNM, and when she turned around she noticed her PNM was walking slowly and taking a picture of a room with her phone. She asked her what she was doing and the PNM said "I was taking a photo becuase I don't want to live in a house with small rooms"!!

[KSUViolet06]

The one who walked into our FIRST party on the first day of recruitment and said "Oh you don't have to talk to me, I know I'm probably going to join XYZ."

The funny part: she was cut by that group the first day they were able to release women.

[Jill1228]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

The one who walked into our FIRST party on the first day of recruitment and said "Oh you don't have to talk to me, I know I'm probably going to join XYZ."

The funny part: she was cut by that group the first day they were able to release women.

Karma is a bitch!

[Splash]

One of the rudest PNMs was actually talking **** about other chapters saying she only wanted us and did she have to go back to the other parties. It was very holier than thou and she did not get a bid. This girl is on the ridiculous end of extremely gorgeous and I guess she thought she was a shoe-in.

[FSUZeta]

we had a little band(ukeleles, bongos, washboard, more rhythm instruments) that played one day of rush-we were pretty good; local civic groups used to have us come play for them. we played a song that was introduced as having been written by one of the sisters, way back when, as she was deciding whether to accept a proposal of marriage or go to medical school. it is a beautiful song, written to her boyfriend. i was in the band, but also had a rush guest, too, who i passed off to another sister while i performed with the band. this guest kept insisting to anyone who would listen, as the song was being sung, that she had heard that song before, so we had to be lying about who wrote it. i mean, on and on and on about it. well, technically, she was correct-the words are from a robert frost poem, but the girl wrote the music. oy vey! she was not invited back.

[katydidKD]

Originally Posted by Splash

One of the rudest PNMs was actually talking **** about other chapters saying she only wanted us and did she have to go back to the other parties. It was very holier than thou and she did not get a bid. This girl is on the ridiculous end of extremely gorgeous and I guess she thought she was a shoe-in.

I never understand why PNM's are rude like this. It never does them any good. If you don't like a house, suck it up, make small talk and be polite....not that hard! If they act ridiculous at any party at my school they get released from rush.

[PeppyGPhiB]

My roommate soph. year was in a different sorority on campus, and one night after recruitment we were "comparing notes." She told me that one girl, whose last name happened to be Pigg, rolled her eyes at her while she was talking about the sorority's philanthropy, and cut her off with, "Cut the crap - I just want to know if you guys party." Apparently that was the NICEST persona she put on in any of the rooms, because other sororities said that she was literally ignoring them when they'd talk to her. She wanted to be in the "party sorority" and yet she was so rude and superficial to them, that they cut her, too (as all of the other sororities did). In my four years at Pepp, I can only think of two other girls that were released from recruitment completely aside from her.

[AlwaysSAI]

So, I know it's not NPC recruitment.

At my school SAI, MPhiE, and PMA all have recruitment the same week. It's structured pretty much like NPC recruitment, but on a smaller scale and not as staged.

Anyway, on the first night, we always have a "Meet the Greeks" event with all three orgs, food and get-to-know-you games. There was one girl there, freshman, who went to an SAI and talked crap about the Muphies. Then, she went to a Muphie and talked crap about SAIs. She openly told members that she was there strictly for the food when they tried to talk to her. (We realized that some people came just for the food, but they weren't advertising it). On top of that, she was just rude-flat out rude. And, she did not watch her behavior in the SoM first semester. We did not give her a bid.

[PizzaLove]

As a chapter that struggled with numbers, my sisters and I unfortunately had to deal with a lot of this because the pnms were told they were guaranteed bids if they attended all their parties and maximized their options, which is not true. So, some pnms who wanted to be dropped by us would, at best, give one word answers and looked bored. We’ve had some really bad ones though. There’s always girls who bring up drinking and partying when they know full well that is an off-limits topic, or others who tell us about all of their connections to other sororities and that they only came back because they had to. The absolute worst one that I remember happened to one of my sisters a few years ago. She was talking to a pnm who had transferred from another school, where we happen to also have a chapter. So, my sister asked her something about it, like if she had gotten to know any of our members there. The pnm replied that our sorority sucks there just like it does here. Understandably, my sister started crying right after the party and we obviously did not invite the girl back. This was the most extreme case of pnm rudeness we had that I can recall, but even the mild stuff, like the bored looks and not engaging in conversation really take a toll on chapter morale. And because of numbers and pressure to grow, there often was not a lot we could do. Luckily, we had some great pledge classes and have grown a lot. So, with the improvement, the frequency of rude pnms is decreasing each year.

One of the hardest things that we had to learn with the rude pnms was that we just had to “kill them with kindness,” even though what we really wanted to do was tell them off or walk away or cry. We often had to double recruit when we were smaller, and nothing was worse than one engaged, polite pnm paired with another who would seemingly rather be hit by a bus, because we would see the interested pnm start to look upset or unsure when she saw the kind of reception our members got sometimes. But always, and especially with double recruiting, you can’t let the pnm’s attitude get to you because you are still selling your chapter to everyone else in the room. What I always wished I could tell all the pnms before going through recruitment is this:

No, you are not guaranteed anything. There are girls who go unmatched every year. No one will be forced to take you. Don’t think that if you work to get your bottom choices to cut you that your top choices will have to invite you back. Yes, you should give every chapter a chance, but even if it’s not a good fit, act like a decent human being at every party! If you are as great and coveted as you think you are, then it will be your choice anyway!

For other chapters dealing with this, hang in there. Know your resources and make sure you have someone reliable to go to with concerns, whether this is your recruitment chair, president, adviser, or other sister. If you are that person getting your sisters’ concerns, make sure they know you are handling it. Have all of the necessary numbers at hand to call the panhellenic adviser or vp recruitment. Because too often, these rude pnms get away with it, and the chapter members feel powerless. The same is true if the chapter members don’t know what happens and assume the pnm got away with it. Self-confidence and pride in the chapter goes down the tank. Don’t just take it. Be the perfect gracious hostess, but once the party is over, report the rude pnm and get her KICKED OUT of recruitment. Someone willing to put down anyone in any chapter is not an asset to the greek community. Most of all, even if a pnm is rude to you, always show confidence in yourself and your sisters, no matter how little you feel it, because that shows so much to the pnms. If they see you get upset when another pnm is rude, well, then they see you get upset! No one wants that image at recruitment. You want to be seen as having fun and loving your chapter no matter who tries to bring you down, and when pnms see that pride in your chapter, they realize you must have a chapter to be proud about.

Sorry for the long post but that’s my 2 cents on the topic.

[carnation]

Pizzalove, that's a great post!

These rude PNMs are reminding me of the one that dzsai told us about near the beginning of the "Weird Rush Stories" thread--I believe that she called her "Rude McStupid". Seems like she wanted the members to rush her while she was lounging on the floor?

[HannahXO]

Somehow I've managed to avoid the rudest of the rude... but I did have one

I am a bio major, and the girl I was bumping was an engineering major- obviously, we're both pretty busy. So I go to bump her, and she tells me, "This is Patty PNM, we were just talking about our majors." This PNM was a math major (I think? something like that) and kept on insisting that her major was too time consuming for sorority life and she was a unique snowflake because only she spent lots of time on her schoolwork and there was no WAY we could understand the position she was in. First of all, why would you start rush if you were really that set against making time for a sorority? And second of all, why on earth would you be the only one with time-consuming classes? It's college, everyone's busy regardless of their major, and the president told you our chapter GPA during the presentation, clearly we are not a group of slackers. Learn some time management!

ETA: PizzaLove, stories like yours make we wish that there was a way to report PNMs that rude to panhellenic so that other groups would be aware of their "other side" and cut them. There are a lot of logistical issues with this, but...if it could work it would be nice.

[Shellfish]

When I was an advisor, my girls told me about a PNM who took a bite from a cookie (we served food at every party back in the day) and said, "Ew! This has animal fat in it!" Then she threw the partially eaten cookie back on the tray.

It was routine for the chapter president to say a few words to everyone at the end of a party, and I remember that some PNMs would continue to chat among themselves while she was speaking.

The rudeness that still bugs me, though, was from some other advisors. We were still doing bid matching by hand, so one night I went to the Greek office promptly after the pref party, still in my Laura Ashley dress and pearls. We were waiting around for all the advisors and bid lists, so I tried to break the ice with some new advisors from one sorority. They were wearing embellished sweatsuits, which, er, weren't my thing, but I did say, "You look like you'll be comfortable for the long night ahead," to which one of them snapped, "That's because we dressed properly." Then they went back to talking to each other. Pretty nice, especially considering that for years before that, that sorority never had anyone present for bid matching, so an extra alum or national visitor from KD had occasionally handled their list.

[ADqtPiMel]

Originally Posted by HannahXO

ETA: PizzaLove, stories like yours make we wish that there was a way to report PNMs that rude to panhellenic so that other groups would be aware of their "other side" and cut them. There are a lot of logistical issues with this, but...if it could work it would be nice.

It's totally possible and happens frequently at the campus where I advise. When PNMs are inexcusably rude, the chapter reports it to the Greek advisor, who posts a note on the front page of ICS (the recruitment software). The chapters can then do with the information what they want.

[BraveMaroon]

We had a legacy who came through - her grandmother was a sister, and this was the last granddaughter, and the only one who had come to a school with a her sorority.

Grandma had sent us a long letter and a collage of pictures of her granddaughter. So we knew everything about this chick.

When our sister greeted her and mentioned we'd heard a lot about her from her grandmother, her reply was:

"My grandmother is crazy, and I am not joining this sorority." Our sister burst into tears.

Our advisors would NOT let us cut her, but it would have been sweet to let the other sororities know about her.

It would have been sweeter to call Grandma and have little snowflake cut out of the will.

[ellebud]

On the other side: When I was doing recruitment, during the FIRST era of mini skirts (but a few years after "hours" were abolished) I was doing recruitment for AEPhi. As I mentioned, Jews went AEPhi and all others went elsewhere. (ok, we had two or three exceptions).

A girl came through, blue chip all the way. (I still remember her name btw.) We had a wonderful conversation. We "knew" that she would never accept an invitation back...but she did. She kept us until Prefs when pressure got to her.

She was upfront in the end. She was being pressured by friends and family to go to a different house and to not be a ground breaker. But she loved us and wanted us to know that she wasn't dipping in the Jewish pond for s**** and giggles.

No matter what she was lovely and elegant and only eighteen. And she had class, spoke honestly and, she was truly the perfect ten: and never said a mean word tp anyone at any house.