As an alumna, how WELL should you know a PNM in order to write a RecForm/Sponsorship? - Page 4

adpiucf · #46 01-10-2005, 10:02 AM

I see nothing wrong with writing an info-only rec for someone.

I don't think a rec should take undue time to put together. I make sure the PNM does the research-- giving me the address for the sorority, fills out the fields I need and then by asking some questions about here, I can craft a simple letter stating the woman's interests and highlighting her accomplishments. I always close the letter, adding, "I hope you will enjoy meeting 'Patty PNM' and I wish you a wonderful recruitment and school year!"

If the PNM has taken the time and effort to learn about sorority life, recommendations and alumnae, I consider her someone who has a genuine interest in being Greek. I'd like to help her put her best foot forward.

I'd expect that during recruitment the chapter will learn if that PNM is the right fit, and should she become a member and turn out to be a bad seed, the chapter will deal with that person appropriately.

Also, I see my rec as the PNM's first real contact with the sorority as a potential member, and I'd like her to see that alumnae are kind people who are involved with sorority life post-college. Often we're the first point of communication and can set the tone for how the PNM will view the sorority coming into recruitment. Call us a goodwill ambassador, if you will.

Also if I have personal knowledge of someone who would not be a good member, I have no problem writing a no-rec. In the situation above where it involves a friend's daughter, she could write a no-rec and send it in. Her friend will never know that she wrote a no-rec-- what is the sorority going to do? Call the mom and tell on her friend?

DolphinChicaDDD · #47 01-10-2005, 10:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by honeychile
DolphinChicaDDD - I haven't seen a Tri-Delta rec sheet in years (since my neighbor filled one out for me!). On ours, we have a box which we can check that says we do NOT recommend that the PNM is given a bid, no explanation needed. We do need to give our name/address/phone number, in case the chapter really loves that PNM and an Advisor can get in touch with you as to the "why". There's a huge difference between "she dumped my son & made him cry" and "she has a police record & is a horrible person all around." If you have that option, I would use it. That way, the PNM still maintains some privacy, and Tri-Delta is spared a horrible sister.

Good luck, and follow your conscience. And if there's an ADPi chapter there, you might want to PM me a heads up, too!

ETA: No ADPi, no worries, lol. Although, I do feel the need to warn the other sororites I'm on campus who I have friends in. But I don't think my conscience will let me go that far. Because I'm friendly with those girls, but not best friends. I mean,how much stock would anyone's chapter put in my words anyway?

I checked the Tri Delt rec form and it doesn't have a no-rec option, although that would be great. I could have SWARN that used to be an option, and considering I've only been around for almost 2 years...it had to be a recent change. Or maybe I'm making it up, I do that alot.
Anyway, I've talked to 3 or 4 sisters that I'm pretty close with still, and they suggested I call the rec person at the chapter, introduce myself and then see if she would want me to send in a bad letter.

Thanks for the advice all!!

kddani · #48 05-13-2005, 10:42 AM

bumping b/c it's a hot topic again

CutiePie2000 · #49 05-14-2005, 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by kddani
bumping b/c it's a hot topic again

I think it's important enough to even be "stickied" at the top.

KSigkid · #50 05-23-2005, 08:31 AM

This may be different on the fraternity end, but...

I would have to know someone REALLY well to write a rec or even give a verbal rec to the chapter. To me, it just seems like a big deal to give someone that recommendation; what you're doing is giving them a boost above the other guys who are rushing (unless your chapter doesn't like you, then you may be hurting his chances..haha).

There would really have to be a solid reason for writing the rec; if not, then he would just have to take his chances like everyone else.

kddani · #51 07-12-2006, 07:58 PM

bumping again because it relates to discussions in other threads going on right now

adpiucf · #52 07-17-2006, 11:44 PM

I wager it is because their arm has been twisted into writing a rec for a neighbor's kid or distant relative that they think is nice but not spectacular. I have known plenty of ladies to have written recs simply to be polite or to get someone to stop bugging them.

irishpipes · #53 07-18-2006, 08:50 AM

AOII's rec form is actually called an "MIF" which stands for Membership Information Form. I always kept that in mind when I was the Alumnae Panhellenic rec chair for AOII. I will always send on information about a PNM, but it isn't always a personal recommendation. I would tell moms that. If it was someone I din't know who just gave me her daughter's resume and photo I would tell her that I would be more than happy to pass along her daughter's information, but that I could not personally recommend her daughter for membership. I let them know that it was better than nothing, but not as good as a true rec. Those little check boxes made all the difference to me. If I checked "I do not personally know this PNM" it was just an MIF. If I checked "I personally recommend this PNM" it became a rec - at least in my mind. I know most groups have those little boxes.

AlphaFrog · #54 07-18-2006, 09:01 AM

I would definitely gauge it differently for different schools how well I have to know someone. For instance IF Penn State accepted recs (I know they don't but it's the largest Greek system with ASA) I would say that I would be more comfortable writing an Info-Only rec for a girl I didn't know very well, simply because that rec would probably only mean the difference between her getting from Round 1 to Round 2, instead of at, say Eastern IL U, where it very well could get her a bid, because they probably don't get but 2-3 recs a year. If I knew it was for a school that didn't get many recs and they had a bigger impact then just getting a PNM through Round 1, I would definitely have to know the girl pretty well (or at least her family).

adpiucf · #55 07-18-2006, 09:26 AM

Penn State chapters do accept recs. I have recommended women to the ADPi chapter at Penn State before.

Is anyone's form actually called a recommendation form? Similiar to AOII's MIF, ADPi's form is called a Potential Member Profile.

AGDee · #56 07-18-2006, 11:24 AM

Ours is a Recruitment Information Form, not necessarily a rec. It can be good, neutral or bad.

kdonline · #57 07-18-2006, 04:55 PM

Kappa Delta's is called a Reference Form.

the "checkbox" part reads like this:

Kappa Delta Reference
0 1. I recommend this potential new member for Kappa Delta membership.
0 I have known this potential new member personally for years.
0 I do not know this potential new member personally, but I am basing my recommendation upon information from these sources:
(circle) another Kappa Delta, panhellenic files, high school faculty, peers of the potential new member, a mutual friend, clergy,
other (please specify)
0 2. I do not recommend this potential new member for Kappa Delta membership based up information received. If further clarification is desired, the chapter membership advisor may contact me.
0 3. I am unable to commit myself on this girl:
0 due to limited information received
0 after contacting all available sources and receiving no information

Remarks (if any)

And ditto on Penn State. I've been contacted by the KD chapter there for recs.