What to tell overconfident PNMs

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by OldOleMiss

Y'all, I just don't think she cares that much about us. She didn't even bother to get a rec for us. She's not serious about joining XYZ. We should let her go because she is going to drop us. There are other women who are serious about XYZ who we need to focus on."

This is EXACTLY what we said about a LOT of PNMs last year at Alabama. Also, we would get general inquiries from girls in, say, the Chicago area, or even Atlanta, saying they couldn't find anybody to write a rec. And I'd look at that and think, "Sugar, you didn't even TRY. There are DGs all over the place there!"

What upsets me is that having a rec is a requirement of membership. Why are chapters ignoring this? This is a case of having it set out in front of you on paper, and maintaining willful ignorance.

I do sympathize with PNMs and moms who don't make the effort. It IS a lot of work, and for introverts like me, very much getting out of the comfort zone to go out and talk to women and ask. It's already hard enough to prepare for going off to college. If you can make things simpler, I'd go for that.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

Whatupsets me is that having a rec is a requirement of membership. Why are chapters ignoring this? This is a case of having it set out in front of you on paper, and maintaining willful ignorance.

.

But does DG explicitly say that on its national or chapter websites? And is a rec a requirement for receiving a bid, or for being initiated?

There's a DG chapter at IUP and there is absolutely NWIH that every girl who gets a bid there has a rec - that is, a rec that the rushee went out and solicited.

[iamamom]

I'll pop in again to tell you about one sorority where my d can't find a rec. She's gotten at least one for the rest. So she went to our regional panhellenic website which clearly stated - if you are looking for a rec go to the national site. She went to the national site and found some email addresses and asked for help - she was emailed back to go to the local panhellenic. She's sent out at least 5 different emails and no one will point her to the correct person or place and no one even responds to her - at the national or local level. We decided this particular one just may not be found. She'll keep trying, but she accepts this house may just be knocked off her list after the first night.

I suggest you go look to your national organization websites and pretend you don't know anything about it. Is the information easy to find?

[ComradesTrue]

Originally Posted by iamamom

I'll pop in again to tell you about one sorority where my d can't find a rec. She's gotten at least one for the rest. So she went to our regional panhellenic website which clearly stated - if you are looking for a rec go to the national site. She went to the national site and found some email addresses and asked for help - she was emailed back to go to the local panhellenic. She's sent out at least 5 different emails and no one will point her to the correct person or place and no one even responds to her - at the national or local level. We decided this particular one just may not be found. She'll keep trying, but she accepts this house may just be knocked off her list after the first night.

I suggest you go look to your national organization websites and pretend you don't know anything about it. Is the information easy to find?

In this case, where you are down to one organization, I would use social media to your advantage. Have your daughter post (to friends of friends) that she will be going to ABC University this fall and looks forward to participating in recruitment. She has been able to secure recs for all groups except XYZ and would anyone happen to have any contacts in that organization that would be willing to help with a rec.

Once daughter makes original post, I personally** think that it is okay for you to the share the post with your group of friends. That covers a lot more ground, and the reason her post needs to be set to "friends of friends." I have actually seen mom/daughter combos find 12/12 recs this way in less than one hour. I'm not a huge fan of starting out in this manner, but I do think it can be a great way to find those last couple.

**others may disagree with me on mom sharing the post, but I think if daughter makes the post, and the daughter personally contacts whomever responds, that she has demonstrated appropriate involvement and initiative.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by iamamom

I'll pop in again to tell you about one sorority where my d can't find a rec. She's gotten at least one for the rest. So she went to our regional panhellenic website which clearly stated - if you are looking for a rec go to the national site. She went to the national site and found some email addresses and asked for help - she was emailed back to go to the local panhellenic. She's sent out at least 5 different emails and no one will point her to the correct person or place and no one even responds to her - at the national or local level. We decided this particular one just may not be found. She'll keep trying, but she accepts this house may just be knocked off her list after the first night.

I suggest you go look to your national organization websites and pretend you don't know anything about it. Is the information easy to find?

If it were my daughter, I would go back to my original rec writers and ask them if they knew a member of ABC who could help. All sorority members have friends in other sororities and know people from work who are in other sororities. They might be able to point you to a person who can help. (And that person will be more local and better able to personalize a rec for your daughter.)

[Titchou]

Originally Posted by 33girl

But does DG explicitly say that on its national or chapter websites? And is a rec a requirement for receiving a bid, or for being initiated?

There's a DG chapter at IUP and there is absolutely NWIH that every girl who gets a bid there has a rec - that is, a rec that the rushee went out and solicited.

ALL members of Delta Gamma MUST have a sponsor form in order to pledge. She does NOT need to know that she has one - she just has to have one. Yes, there is a place on the paperwork for the name of the person. And yes, we have ways of doing that after the fact.

Is it on the web site? Yes:

"Are Sponsor Forms required for pledging Delta Gamma?

Yes, being endorsed by a member of Delta Gamma is required for pledging and a Delta Gamma Sponsor Form is the preferred form."

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by Titchou

ALL members of Delta Gamma MUST have a sponsor form in order to pledge. She does NOT need to know that she has one - she just has to have one. Yes, there is a place on the paperwork for the name of the person. And yes, we have ways of doing that after the fact.

Is it on the web site? Yes:

"Are Sponsor Forms required for pledging Delta Gamma?

Yes, being endorsed by a member of Delta Gamma is required for pledging and a Delta Gamma Sponsor Form is the preferred form."

I'd be willing to bet that every group with such a policy (including my own) has at least one chapter out there where the CA or CMA sits down and signs forms en masse right before putting together the bid list.

In fact, DG is one of the best at publicizing this policy; as I recall, they were the first organization on my campus to publicize it as such. But it's still hard when people get a "WTF is a rec?" from an alumna outside of the south.

It would really be nice if national groups both publicized their policies to PNM's AND did a better job of explaining it to alumnae.

[DGTess]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

This is EXACTLY what we said about a LOT of PNMs last year at Alabama. Also, we would get general inquiries from girls in, say, the Chicago area, or even Atlanta, saying they couldn't find anybody to write a rec. And I'd look at that and think, "Sugar, you didn't even TRY. There are DGs all over the place there!"

What upsets me is that having a rec is a requirement of membership. Why are chapters ignoring this? This is a case of having it set out in front of you on paper, and maintaining willful ignorance.

I do sympathize with PNMs and moms who don't make the effort. It IS a lot of work, and for introverts like me, very much getting out of the comfort zone to go out and talk to women and ask. It's already hard enough to prepare for going off to college. If you can make things simpler, I'd go for that.

Forty years ago at a northern, non-Greek-heavy, technical school, we just wrote the recs ourselves for the women we planned to bid if we didn't have an alumna handy to write one. From what I've read here, that may not be permissible any more (I see lots of you saying a collegiate at another chapter may write one for some orgs).

I didn't know spit about rush at big southern schools when DD went to UTexas. I'm so pleased she chose not to rush; I could not have prepared her. Though I was involved in my alumnae chapter, I presume no one mentioned it to me because they figured I knew ...