Ordering high end on the first date. Is it rude or is it just me? - Page 4

MysticCat · #46 10-28-2011, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TonyB06

How much I agree/disagree with his overall take is an open question (we only know about what he posted) but I can see why her menu action may have put some level of unsureness about her in his mind.

As I've said on this thread, I'm in the camp of someone not paying for the meal always ordering from the middle of the menu That is, unless it's very clear from the hosts' cues or from context that it's okay to go more expensive.

He told her to order whatever she wanted. She had two choices: to assume he was just being polite (in which case, why say it to begin with? Is heafraid she'll think she can't order what she wants?), or to assume he was being sincere. He really can't complain that she did what he asked her to do.

TonyB06 · #47 10-28-2011, 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

That still doesn't answer my question...

If you *truly* wanted her to order whatever she wanted, without feeling like she's going to be sized up as a gold digger, what would you say other than "order whatever you want"?

What was "truly" in his mind she can't know -- especially not on a first date. Her best course of action, anybody's best course, really, is do what you know to be right.

Since I didn't say anything about her being sized up as a "gold digger" I'll leave that be.

TonyB06 · #48 10-28-2011, 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MysticCat

As I've said on this thread, I'm in the camp of someone not paying for the meal always ordering from the middle of the menu That is, unless it's very clear from the hosts' cues or from context that it's okay to go more expensive.

He told her to order whatever she wanted. She had two choices: to assume he was just being polite (in which case, why say it to begin with? Is heafraid she'll think she can't order what she wants?), or to assume he was being sincere. He really can't complain that she did what he asked her to do.

And I'm saying no matter what he told her, it's still "polite" (particularly on a first date) to order from the middle.

As to whether Centaur was "afraid" of anything or not, you'd have to ask him. We can debate how important pure transparancy is on a first date (such is the nature of GC), but he handled it the way he felt he should.

AlphaFrog · #49 10-28-2011, 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TonyB06

What was "truly" in his mind she can't know -- especially not on a first date. Her best course of action, anybody's best course, really, is do what you know to be right.

Since I didn't say anything about her being sized up as a "gold digger" I'll leave that be.

I'm not talking about him or his date.

If *You* went on a first (or any) date, the entire menu is very comfortably in your price range and she's making Halle Berry look like an old hag and you really do want her to enjoy herself and order anything on the menu in any quantity, how would you express this?

TonyB06 · #50 10-28-2011, 02:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

I'm not talking about him or his date.

If *You* went on a first (or any) date, the entire menu is very comfortably in your price range and she's making Halle Berry look like an old hag and you really do want her to enjoy herself and order anything on the menu in any quantity, how would you express this?

Frankly, it would depend how I felt at the time, how much of an interest/emotional attachment (if any) had occured up until that time. Maybe I'd want to see how her personality handled a "get ready to wash dishes" joke, or maybe just sit back and observe whether she had the politeness of "ordering from the middle."

Your question blurred the first date/any date distinction, but for me it would matter. First (and early) dates, IMO, show you things about a person beyond the conversation. I'm in a committed relationship so all these things have been solved for me. My gf can order as she wishes. As for the bill, I'd not invite someone out w/out the ability to handle the bill. That's pretty much man-law 101 where I was raised.

Her "look" has absolutely nothing to do with whatever choice I'd make. Why? Because anybody you take out deserves to be treated nicely, and, most obviously, anyone you date you already have an attraction to on some level.

DrPhil · #51 10-28-2011, 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

If you *truly* wanted her to order whatever she wanted, without feeling like she's going to be sized up as a gold digger, what would you say other than "order whatever you want"?

"WE'RE ON A BUDGET, BITCH!"

MysticCat · #52 10-28-2011, 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TonyB06

We can debate how important pure transparancy is on a first date (such is the nature of GC), but he handled it the way he felt he should.

And he got what he asked for. That's what I'm saying -- regardless of whether it would have been polite for her to order from the middle of the menu anyway, he forfeits the right to complain if he invites her to order anything she wanted.

cheerfulgreek · #53 10-28-2011, 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TonyB06

We can debate how important pure transparancy is on a first date (such is the nature of GC), but he handled it the way he felt he should.

Exactly! I totally agree. A lot of people aren't transparent on a first date, but hang out with that person long enough and eventually things will show. People can only be on good behavior for so long before the real person begins to surface in your (in general) attitudes toward yourself (in general) as well as toward other people. The bottom line is how you present yourself is one of the first factors of how you land in a person's mind. First impressions are lasting ones.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TonyB06

First (and early) dates, IMO, show you things about a person beyond the conversation.

As for the bill, I'd not invite someone out w/out the ability to handle the bill. That's pretty much man-law 101 where I was raised.

Her "look" has absolutely nothing to do with whatever choice I'd make. Why? Because anybody you take out deserves to be treated nicely, and, most obviously, anyone you date you already have an attraction to on some level.

All of this.

AlphaFrog · #54 10-28-2011, 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil

"WE'RE ON A BUDGET, BITCH!"

We're talking about dinner, not my husband after my last shoe shopping spree. LOL.

KSig RC · #55 10-28-2011, 02:30 PM

Why in the hell would you say ... anything?

Like ... we go to a fancy restaurant, I'm wearing my party tie and best slide-on shoes, we're in the moment. Why would I need to give a verbal cue to order? Isn't that weird as hell?

I guess the operative sports cliche would be "Ball don't lie" - why say anything at all, when all the context clues are already right there? Prompting somebody to get a fucking lobster is way more gauche than actually ordering the lobster.

KSig RC · #56 10-28-2011, 02:32 PM

Also, OP/thread-starting-dude ... relax. This is all minor-league stuff, as you'll find out - when she calls you to use your car or your credit card, that's gold-digging behavior. When she asks you to bring rubbers to her place but doesn't invite you in, that's baggy behavior.

When she orders a lot of stuff at dinner, well, that is just that. Serenity now, as they say.

AlphaFrog · #57 10-28-2011, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TonyB06

Frankly, it would depend how I felt at the time, how much of an interest/emotional attachment (if any) had occured up until that time. Maybe I'd want to see how her personality handled a "get ready to wash dishes" joke, or maybe just sit back and observe whether she had the politeness of "ordering from the middle."

Your question blurred the first date/any date distinction, but for me it would matter. First (and early) dates, IMO, show you things about a person beyond the conversation. I'm in a committed relationship so all these things have been solved for me. My gf can order as she wishes. As for the bill, I'd not invite someone out w/out the ability to handle the bill. That's pretty much man-law 101 where I was raised.

Her "look" has absolutely nothing to do with whatever choice I'd make. Why? Because anybody you take out deserves to be treated nicely, and, most obviously, anyone you date you already have an attraction to on some level.

In other words, "order whatever you want" would only ever be a test for you and never a sincere gesture?

If this is what the OP was going for, then mission accomplished...what he does with the results seems to at this point conflict with the point of conducting the test to begin with. Either that, or the more likely scenario that he just learned a new social rule of event hosting.

And the looks thing was just a silly addition to the hypothetical to maybe actually get an answer.

TonyB06 · #58 10-28-2011, 02:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

In other words, "order whatever you want" would only ever be a test for you and never a sincere gesture?

Wrong.

DrPhil · #59 10-28-2011, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

In other words, "order whatever you want" would only ever be a test for you and never a sincere gesture?

Geesh...are people still doing tests for dates? That sucks.

AlphaFrog · #60 10-28-2011, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TonyB06

Wrong.

So if it's not a test, why was the OP's girl wrong in ordering what she wanted after the invitation was issued...assuming she thought he was being sincere?

I absolutely agree as I've stated before that it's always polite to order from the middle of the menu, but this statement cancels that courtesy.