Ordering high end on the first date. Is it rude or is it just me?

[Cen1aur 1963]

What do you think is reasonably acceptable (for spending) on a first date? I posted something about this in the dating and relationships thread, but I wanted to see other folks points of view on this, because I'm thinking it's just me thinking like this. Like I was saying, I'll pay for the first date, but do you think it's rude for a girl to order a lot of high end food/drinks from the menu if the dude is paying for the date? On your first date what did you spend/order? Would you date her again if she ordered high end on you? I'm just trying to see if I'm looking into this too hard.

[knight_shadow]

If you don't want to spend that much money, don't go to a "high end" restaurant. I don't mind paying, but if I'm not trying to spend that much, we'll skip the 5-star Steakhouse and go to Pappadeaux or something.

[amIblue?]

I think it's inconsiderate of the person not paying (whether it be a female or male) to go nuts with ordering the most expensive items on the menu. I'm married now, but when I was dating, I would usually ask my date what he was ordering, find the price, and then order something around the same price range.

[PiKA2001]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

If you don't want to spend that much money, don't go to a "high end" restaurant. I don't mind paying, but if I'm not trying to spend that much, we'll skip the 5-star Steakhouse and go to Pappadeaux or something.

This and you also have to take into consideration the type of person you are asking out as well. I don't think it's rude unless she is purposely ordering the most expensive things on the menu just to break your wallet, which if that's the case you shouldn't ask her out again.

[33girl]

If he takes you to Ruth's Chris, don't order the most expensive steak plus the lobster tail plus dessert.

If he takes you to McDonald's, don't order the large Mushroom Angus Burger meal.

Order at the low or medium end of the price range on a first date. This applies no matter what kind of restaurant you're at.

And girls, learn to drink drinks that aren't pussy drinks that they WAY overcharge for. I think a guy would much rather hang with a girl that drinks whiskey and water than one who orders round upon round of girly girl cocktails that cost twice as much.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by 33girl

And girls, learn to drink drinks that aren't pussy drinks that they WAY overcharge for. I think a guy would much rather hang with a girl that drinks whiskey and water than one who orders round upon round of girly girl cocktails that cost twice as much.

When I was dating, if I went on a date to a nice place and we had a drink at the bar while waiting for the table, I would usually pick that one up. My mother was appalled when I told her this. That said, this would always be date 2 or more. I would never commit to a full meal on a first date.

[thetalady]

If she orders the most expensive thing on the menu on the first date, I think you should be grateful!!

At least you know early on that she is a diva that will expect to be be wined & dined and probably end up being way high maintenance. In the end, it will be a cheap lesson!

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by 33girl

If he takes you to Ruth's Chris, don't order the most expensive steak plus the lobster tail plus dessert.

If he takes you to McDonald's, don't order the large Mushroom Angus Burger meal.

Order at the low or medium end of the price range on a first date. This applies no matter what kind of restaurant you're at.

This.

I think a guy would much rather hang with a girl that drinks whiskey and water than one who orders round upon round of girly girl cocktails that cost twice as much.

And definitely this!

[KSig RC]

If you're going to order 'expensive' off the drinks list, make it wine (assuming you know what you're talking about, and didn't just order by price) - not close.

At the same time, getting a beer is one thing, and an Icehouse completely another (same with something like well scotch with a sidecar) - shoot for that middle ground, neither high nor lowbrow.

[KSUViolet06]

I tend to think you shouldn't take a date anywhere where you're cringing if she orders (example) steak because you know their steaks are out of your price range. Choose a place where you'd feel comfortable paying for the highest level entree because you never know what someone's going to be interested in ordering. You don't have to be high maintenace and a diva because you enjoy a good steak on a date.

And re: drinks. I hate beer and am a very picky drinker. I only ever drink vodka with cran. Ever. However, I'm okay with it being made with whatever is "house" and won't throw a fit if my vodka of choice (Ketel) isn't available.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I tend to think you shouldn't take a date anywhere where you're cringing if she orders (example) steak because you know their steaks are out of your price range. Choose a place where you'd feel comfortable paying for the highest level entree because you never know what someone's going to be interested in ordering. You don't have to be high maintenace and a diva because you enjoy a good steak on a date.

I don't know. I think there is a big difference between ordering the best steak or the best lobster, and ordering the surf n' turf that includes both. If there is an entree that is notably higher than everything else, at least that one should be avoided.

[AlphaFrog]

I think I read a Miss Manners article that says that guests should almost always order from the middle price range of the menu...ordering expensive is rude and ordering cheap could be construed as you thinking whether the paying person cannot afford more. Taking your cue from what the host orders is also appropriate...if they order steak, lobster, and Dom Perignon then ordering from the top of the menu is fair game.

[DrPhil]

If you can't afford Ruth Chris, don't go to Ruth Chris.

If you tell your date, "don't worry, help yourself" (whether you really mean it or are just saying it--I always tell people NOT to say things just to be saying it) don't get mad if your date doesn't worry and helps herself/himself.

It really depends on a few factors. The smart thing is to go with the flow and order in the range that the person who is paying for it is ordering--unless the person tells you differently.

When my significant other and I were "just dating" we went to a range of types of restaurants in terms of costs. He usually "helped himself" and was insulted if I did not "help myself." He considered it disrespectful and a challenge to his sincerity (i.e., second guessing what he means by "help yourself"), aspects of his masculinity, and even his salary range for me to buy something cheaper when what I really wanted was the more expensive item.

When the "just dating" became a significant other relationship, being cost effective was more valued and appreciated.

[Honeykiss1974]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

If you don't want to spend that much money, don't go to a "high end" restaurant. I don't mind paying, but if I'm not trying to spend that much, we'll skip the 5-star Steakhouse and go to Pappadeaux or something.

I agree

Originally Posted by thetalady

If she orders the most expensive thing on the menu on the first date, I think you should be grateful!!

At least you know early on that she is a diva that will expect to be be wined & dined and probably end up being way high maintenance. In the end, it will be a cheap lesson!

I TOTALLY agree. Learning to read the signs early can save you a lot of heartache and money.

[KillarneyRose]

Originally Posted by thetalady

If she orders the most expensive thing on the menu on the first date, I think you should be grateful!!

At least you know early on that she is a diva that will expect to be be wined & dined and probably end up being way high maintenance. In the end, it will be a cheap lesson!

Excellent point, thetalady!

Personally, (and it has been quite some time since I've been on a first date), I would tend to stay in the middle of the menu, pricewise. For example, if they had a stirfry with chicken, beef or shrimp I would order the chicken because it doesn't cost as much as the shrimp. I might order a glass of wine but not the ultra jumbo frozen margarita and I would probably skip dessert. I just wouldn't want my date to think the only reason I was going out with him was to score a free meal (unless, of course, I was only going out with him to score a free meal).