What do I tell sororities when I rush a second time?

greekhopeful13 · #1 02-02-2013, 01:49 PM

I'm a sophomore and I rushed last semester and in the eyes of NPC I technically suicide rushed even though I didn't. What happened wasn't that there was only one sorority I was willing to join but rather there was only one (out of five) that I wasn't willing to join. It just so happened that even though I dropped them every night, I kept going back, even to their preference night. I know that I would not have even grown to like that sorority so I did not rank it on my preference and instead only ranked the other one I preffed, thinking that I actually would get into that one anyways, but of course on bid day I got the call that I didn't get a bid.

Well now I'm "rushing" this spring but technically it isn't recruitment because one sorority doesn't have room for more girls (of course that was my number one last semester-not the one that I put on my preference though). So this semester they are just doing COB events and I'm going to events for the three that I like.

My question is what should I tell the sororities? Do I tell them that I rushed and didn't like where I was ending up in the end, which is true but double sided because I was willing to join the other one i preffed and to the other two it shows that they didn't invite me back already. Basically I want to have the best chance at getting into a sorority and I'd be happy at all three that I'm rushing but I just don't know what to tell them and would like sorority members to help me out with what you think from your side!

adpiucf · #2 02-02-2013, 02:03 PM

Don't bring it up. I highly doubt they will.

If they ask, "Why didn't you rush in the fall," you can say that you did, but that you did not receive a bid and you are really interested in sorority life because [fill in the blank and change the subject]. There's no need to elaborate. Plenty of women re-rush through COB after not receiving a bid in the fall.

During formal recruitment, the sororities are fairly insulated. They are focused on what they are doing and who they are cutting. They have no idea who is cutting who each night or what girl is preffing where. They're only concerned with who they are inviting back.

Even the members within the chapter don't necessarily know every single girl who was cut or why from her own chapter. You don't meet every single sorority member when you're there during formal, so I really wouldn't worry about it. Recruitment records are destroyed after each recruitment, as well.

I think you did the right thing by not listing the other sorority on your final ranking. Keep in mind that you as a PNM don't "cut" sororities during recruitment; rather, you rank them according to your preference. The sororities do cut PNM's, and then their lists are matched up against your preferences. This is why you were invited back to a sorority you consistently ranked low. You as a PNM do not have the ability to release a sorority from your recruitment and you must attend the maximum number of parties to which you are invited. The only time you're allowed to truly cut a sorority is during your final ranking; if you can't see yourself as a member of a chapter where you preffed, you shouldn't list it. You did exactly the right thing.

Good luck.

ree-Xi · #3 02-02-2013, 02:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greekhopeful13

I'm a sophomore and I rushed last semester and in the eyes of NPC I technically suicide rushed even though I didn't. What happened wasn't that there was only one sorority I was willing to join but rather there was only one (out of five) that I wasn't willing to join. It just so happened that even though I dropped them every night, I kept going back, even to their preference night. I know that I would not have even grown to like that sorority so I did not rank it on my preference and instead only ranked the other one I preffed, thinking that I actually would get into that one anyways, but of course on bid day I got the call that I didn't get a bid.

Well now I'm "rushing" this spring but technically it isn't recruitment because one sorority doesn't have room for more girls (of course that was my number one last semester-not the one that I put on my preference though). So this semester they are just doing COB events and I'm going to events for the three that I like.

My question is what should I tell the sororities? Do I tell them that I rushed and didn't like where I was ending up in the end, which is true but double sided because I was willing to join the other one i preffed and to the other two it shows that they didn't invite me back already. Basically I want to have the best chance at getting into a sorority and I'd be happy at all three that I'm rushing but I just don't know what to tell them and would like sorority members to help me out with what you think from your side!

QFP

1. I'm sure that people will remember you from the fall, and sometimes registration forms ask if you've rushed before.

2. I think that it would be really rude to say "I hated the group I had left" - there is really no polite way to say this, even the oft-attempted PC phrase "I didn't feel like a fit." Unless asked, I wouldn't personally offer up any explanation for your choices. They are your choices and may not make sense to other people.

3. Regarding the second statement I emphasized, you had a chance at getting into a sorority last fall, you threw it away.

But good luck. If you keep an open mind, you just might have a second chance at a sorority.

DubaiSis · #4 02-02-2013, 03:42 PM

And by the way, you did SIP. You might not have liked your choice, and it may have been the right thing to do, but you did have a choice. I'd start by getting your mind straight about what happened. You also didn't DROP them during rush. That is not an option; you put them lower on your preference list.

1-don't say anything about it, and if asked, say you started rush last year but didn't finish. Your vague answer should be a clear enough statement to move on with the conversation, but if it isn't, don't say anything bad about the sorority, the process, or anything else negative. Say it just didn't work out and you are really hoping for a better outcome this time.

2-make sure you have changed something about yourself that will improve your outcome. The same girl rushing the same houses is very likely going to get the same result. Maybe your grades weren't great, maybe you didn't have enough extra-curriculars, maybe your attitude wasn't great, maybe you were dressed icky or weird, maybe you had bad conversation skills. You can improve all of these things with a good look at what really happened. Just be honest with yourself and be prepared to make changes.

Old_Row · #5 02-02-2013, 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

And by the way, you did SIP. You might not have liked your choice, and it may have been the right thing to do, but you did have a choice. I'd start by getting your mind straight about what happened. You also didn't DROP them during rush. That is not an option; you put them lower on your preference list.

1-don't say anything about it, and if asked, say you started rush last year but didn't finish. Your vague answer should be a clear enough statement to move on with the conversation, but if it isn't, don't say anything bad about the sorority, the process, or anything else negative. Say it just didn't work out and you are really hoping for a better outcome this time.

2-make sure you have changed something about yourself that will improve your outcome. The same girl rushing the same houses is very likely going to get the same result. Maybe your grades weren't great, maybe you didn't have enough extra-curriculars, maybe your attitude wasn't great, maybe you were dressed icky or weird, maybe you had bad conversation skills. You can improve all of these things with a good look at what really happened. Just be honest with yourself and be prepared to make changes.

Oh yes all of this. Also since she is already a sophomore then here may be an automatic bias with some houses against bidding anything other than freshmen.

One thing is for sure, you should not go on and on with long explanations or justifications like you did here because it will make you look bad.

IrishLake · #6 02-03-2013, 10:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greekhopeful13

I'm a sophomore and I rushed last semester and in the eyes of NPC I technically suicide rushed even though I didn't. What happened wasn't that there was only one sorority I was willing to join but rather there was only one (out of five) that I wasn't willing to join. It just so happened that even though I dropped them every night, I kept going back, even to their preference night. I know that I would not have even grown to like that sorority so I did not rank it on my preference and instead only ranked the other one I preffed, thinking that I actually would get into that one anyways, but of course on bid day I got the call that I didn't get a bid.

You went to two preferences. You only put one group on your bid card. Yes dear, that is textbook ISP aka "suicide."

33girl · #7 02-03-2013, 10:27 AM

With 5 sororities on campus? They all know what your story is. Either they'll give you another chance, or they won't.

AZTheta · #8 02-03-2013, 10:39 AM

I don't have the exact quote, but it runs something along the lines of "each day you go through recruitment, you look at the chapters on your invite list with fresh eyes, as if they are the only chapters on campus, because they are for you". I'm paraphrasing, but the message is pretty clear.

From what you wrote, I think that you might still be longing for what might have been (referencing the one sorority not participating in COB this spring that was your "number one", although not on your preference invites as they released you prior to preference). Take adpiucf's advice on what to say, keep it simple and basic. As 33 and others wrote, realize that they all know you went through last Fall and what the outcome was. Different chapters ("houses" or sororities, as you will) may have different "rules" on how long they hold onto recruitment records.

Good luck. One last point: COB is recruitment; no "technically" about it. Keep that in mind.

chi-o_cat · #9 02-03-2013, 10:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greekhopeful13

I'm a sophomore and I rushed last semester and in the eyes of NPC I technically suicide rushed even though I didn't.

Well now I'm "rushing" this spring but technically it isn't recruitment because one sorority doesn't have room for more girls (of course that was my number one last semester-not the one that I put on my preference though).

You keep using this word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

AZTheta · #10 02-03-2013, 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chi-o_cat

You keep using this word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Inconceivable!

you, chi-o_cat, are now one of my favorites on GC. #teamprincessbrideforever

DubaiSis · #11 02-03-2013, 02:16 PM

anybody want a peanut? HA!

One of the cold hard truths that it's time to accept is the chapters you had at preference weren't random. You were cut by the other 3 and chosen by the 2 you got. Now it's true that they may not have actively disliked you, but clearly they didn't like you ENOUGH. You have more or less stated the chapter for you is the one that is so big and strong that they aren't doing informal rush. It might be time to turn a harsh light on yourself and accept that they aren't for you. You might just be a normal girl who can have a really happy and successful sorority life with mere mortals.

greekhopeful13 · #12 02-03-2013, 03:26 PM

Thank you to everyone giving helpful answers, I will definitely use your advice and not go into details of why it didn't work out. I feel like some people were being really negative towards me and I apologize for my faults of not knowing everything about terminology as I am obviously not in greek life right now. I understand that not putting the other sorority on my preference was "suicide" I was just told that suicide rushing was something different than you are saying it is, I was told that it is going in to rush only willing to join one sorority. That is why I didn't feel like I had done that, I just had incorrect information.

I like the other 4 sororities, not that I don't like the last one, I just always felt uncomfortable talking to them and knew that I wouldn't grow into it so I don't regret not putting them on my preference because if I had then I would've taken the spot from another girl that really wanted it. I'm sorry if it came across that I only wanted the sorority that isn't doing COB this semester, I was just stating a fact that prior to rush last semester they were my favorite, that's all. I would love to join any of the three I'm rushing this semester.

Since I rushed last semester, I have friends in all of the sororities and since last semester's rush I've had casual conversations with them and they even said they don't know why I wouldn't have gotten a bid because I do fit in well with them. I'm not saying I deserve to be in a sorority, it's just that that is the type of person I am and I've always gotten along with the girls when I hang out with them (I've hung out with a lot of them since rush). I suppose I just was nervous at rush and probably didn't come off like myself last semester but I feel much better and confident about it now knowing what I'm going through.

I do have another question though. I keep seeing what people are saying is important (grades, activities, appearance, etc) and I have a 3.8 GPA and a nice appearance (salon hair and nice clothes) but even though last year I was involved in a bunch of different activities-which is why I didn't rush last year, this year I have been more involved in music/theatre/opera (I am a music major). My question is, does it sound bad that I'm not really involved outside of music this semester even though I'm doing two operas and am in two choirs and all the other music stuff that comes with my major?

DubaiSis · #13 02-03-2013, 03:47 PM

It makes sense that your "spare" time is spent on theatre projects. That doesn't sound bad to me.

It sounds like the light bulb has started to come on. You might have had a superior attitude going through rush and didn't really understand the process. That might have been your own fault or you might have had some well-meaning but misguided people leading you astray.

Be aware: the girls you've been talking to might be blowing sunshine up your skirt. DON'T go in assuming your friends can actually get you in. That doesn't mean you have to worry about them sabotaging you, just that they don't have as much say as you might think. Be nice to everyone and act like each chapter is a clean slate.

Best of luck. Let us know how it goes this time.

WCsweet<3 · #14 02-03-2013, 04:09 PM

In addition to what DubaiSis said:
If your friends are all freshman/new members sororities they may not fully understand the bid process. In addition, it is a chapter decision not just a few people. It is entirely possible that while you fit in with that clique, the rest of the group isn't sure. Not trying to be a downer. I went through a similar thing and don't want you to get your hopes too high.

Good luck! Please keep us updated.

greekhopeful13 · #15 02-04-2013, 09:05 PM

Sorry to keep asking questions, but I just have one more! When I go to the chapter that preffed me last semester, should I mention that I went to their preference? My thoughts are that either that would show that they liked me enough already to invite me to preference but it also could show that they didn't give me a bid. Should I just tell them what I'm telling the other chapter, that it just didn't work out for me last semester or should I bring it up?