Yes or No?

jojo7471 · #1 12-24-2005, 11:51 AM

Ok guys, I have to make a quick decision and I need your help. I have to decide if I am going back to rush by the 4th of jan. I have been vasilating between rushing and not for the entire semester.

My sister was in a sorority in college, and literally, since I was 12 I was convinced I was going to join one until I set foot on campus for welcome week. I attend a different university ( a much bigger one too) than my sister. At her school, it was basically, join a house or become a commuter student, as the school was very close to a city and there were few appartments.

Here, eventhough abot 20% of students are greek, the non-greeks seem to despise them and whenver i mention that I might rush, people roll their eyes and try to concince me not to!

There are some things that might bother me about being greek, ie taking up alot of time, and alot of rules I wouldn't have to deal with otherwise.I will admit though I am not some crazy partier, I don't really like the idea of me being told when i am a senior and 22 years old I can't keep a beer in my fridge.

also, most houses don't let their seniors live out, and if I go abroad my junior year, I have been warned that many times sutdents just can't stand being in a house after comming back.

The thing I am dreading most is losing the friends I already have and since none of them are rushing, they won't be able to do the things that I will and I think they will resent me.

I am also afraid if I don't join, I will miss out on college and not have any friends.

If anyone has any suggestions or can make up my mind (lol) for me please do!

ps. would it be better to rush, pledge and then drop out if I don't like it? and what if after a year I really don't like sorority life and I end up de activating? will everyone in the house stop talking to me and will I be left with no friends?

CarolinaCutie · #2 12-24-2005, 12:19 PM

Participate in rush. If you're still feeling this way after Preference Night, don't sign a Pref Card (or complete one electronically).

Your concerns are valid... but it seems like you're getting a one-sided view of things from those who DON'T want you to go Greek. Of course, it's too late to get an "unbiased" opinion from sorority women at your school, because by now, talking to them outside of rush events could get them in trouble. BUT you'll learn a lot just by participating in rush and talking to new girls, finding out what it is they love about the sorority, etc.

I don't think it is a good idea to pledge and then drop out, but that's just me. Depending on what school you go to, there's also a possibility that you could wait until next year to pledge.

AchtungBaby80 · #3 12-24-2005, 12:33 PM

I would give it a try if I were you. I went through almost the exact same thing as you--my older sisters were in a sorority, and ever since I was little it was just assumed that I would be in one, too. But their school was really small and being Greek was really the only thing you could do for fun, while I went to a big state university where there were tons of things to do. I didn't end up rushing freshman year because it seemed like most of my friends thought being in a sorority was dumb, and plus my boyfriend at the time was against it, and I regretted it. I'm so glad I decided to rush the next year. You don't have anything to lose by going through rush and seeing how you like it, so I'd say go for it!

wanderersarah · #4 12-24-2005, 12:33 PM

It is a hard decision, truly. We can all offer advise, but it's something you have to decide for yourself.

I can offer some advice from my perspective and I'm going to be completely honest.

About housing:

I lived in-house for 2 years, and was supposed to move back for a third - but decided I just couldn't do it during my Senior year. Living in a sorority house is great in some regards, and really difficult in others. It's great to live with your friends and have that support all the time. Also, It's hard to live in an evironment where there are a lot of younger people and a lot of drama, but it isn't impossible. The experience and the patience it teaches you can be worth it. Also, living in an alcohol-free building isn't that bad. I was a little irritated when I turned 21, because it was the first semester my chapter was dry. But I got over it. When you're 21 you can go out, it isn't a big hinderance.

On Non-Greek Friends:

It's possible to have friends who aren't in your chapter or who aren't greek at all, but it takes extra effort. It's easy to get wrapped up in the obligations of your chapter and it's hard to find time to hang w/ non-greek friends. In all honesty, I lost contact with most of the people who I hung out with before I joined. For me it wasn't that they didn't understand me or resented me, it was that I felt more comfortable with my sisters. I kept in contact with those people who really mattered. It possible to stay in contact and remain friends with people who aren't greek, but it takes conscious effort.

On 'Not having any friends':

80% of your college population isn't Greek. I'm sure those students have friends. Being Greek definitely enhances the collegiate experience - but it isn't essential. If you find it isn't what *you* want, you'll be fine.

On Rushing:

Go through Recruitment. It is the best way to make an educated decision on sorority life on your campus. When I went through recruitment I met so many great women and got to see a different side of sorority life. Luckily, I found a chapter that I love and fit well with. You never really know about something until you give it a try. Talk to your sister and see what she has to say. Being a sororit woman, she could give you a lot of great, personal advise.

-Sarah

33girl · #5 12-24-2005, 01:11 PM

Give it a try, but if you are still having the same doubts after pref don't sign your bid card like CC said. If you do sign a bid card and receive a bid, you are bound to that sorority for a year, even if you depledge, and that's not fair to them if there is someone else who would like to have the spot you are taking up.

As far as what would happen if you DID initiate and then self-terminate, well, that varies from chapter to chapter and college to college. Some chapters will basically want your head on a plate, some will say no biggie. It's one thing if it's something beyond your control (i.e. you lose your financial aid and your parents are both out of work and you barely have $ for school, let alone a sorority). It can be quite another if you say "I just don't like it" and want to quit.

You CAN have friends who are Greek if you aren't, and vice versa. That is if both sides are open-minded. It's not a good thing that the friends you have now are trying to talk you out of rushing. If they were really being friends they would understand that you are interested in this because of your sister and that you want the same kind of great experience she had. I mean - are they going to stop being your friends if you DO rush? If that's the case, they're not really your friends anyway.

I TOTALLY understand what you are talking about, though. If I had gone to a different (bigger) school, I honestly wonder if I would have been in a sorority. It's just usually much more casual at smaller schools.

jojo7471 · #6 12-24-2005, 05:40 PM

thanks for the help guys. I will probably go ahead with it.

The big school issue is a major concern. I get the feeling that the sororities here are so intense about things, and there are so many competitions that they have to enter and they all want to win. My sister's school was private and very academic, so peopled rarely bothered with the things they do at my large state school. some houses told me they have required formal dinners every week and pratically every event is required, and events that are not are essential for bonding with the pledge class.

I have to admit that one major reason why I want to join is becasue alot of my friends are a bit tomboyish and not that "girlie" and I my sister told me there are always people dresing up for parties, formals, halloween, etc and I know my current friends won't do stuff like that with me. is that shallow of me?

also, the same sorority my sister was is has a chapter at my school, but the girls are not really my type, but I really want to be in the same one as my sister.

one more random question, How is living in a cold dorm? does that mean no privacy for the next 3 years?

and do sororites honestly not haze? I know GLOs always say they don't, but the fraternities certainly don't seem to follow that rule! my sister claims she wasn't, but since she is so secretive about all her sorority stuff I wouldn't doubt she was lying

FSUZeta · #7 12-24-2005, 07:30 PM

jojo, when i was at florida state, my house had sleeping porches,aka cold dorms. 2 bigs rooms with lines of bunk beds. on the sleeping porches it was always lights out and quiet. you could literally take a nap anytime you wanted. i had two roommates. we each had a desk, chest of drawers, and huge closets, and two bookcases. if one of us needed to pull an all nighter, we were not disturbing our roommates, because they were all snuggled in on the sleeping porch. some of my sisters would go to bed with their books and notes to study during the day, because as i said before, it was always quiet on the porches. there was enough natural light during the day to study.
the house has since been remodeled and the sleeping porches are no more.

i loved living in the house. i lived in until i graduated. the house is really the pulse of the sorority. there is always someone around to do something with, but when i wanted "me" time, it was not hard to find a quiet place to be alone. i loved having my meals prepared and the dishes washed up by someone else. houses have to be filled to capacity-thats a fact, but ordinarily if there are more members than there are spaces, some members are allowed to live out. sometimes that is determined by :class(ie, the first option to live out will be offered to the seniors, then the juniors, and on down) or by a points system. i would ask each chapter what their policy is and how living out is determined.

i had sisters who studied abroad for a semester and then came back to the house and did not seen to have a problem with the transition.

you can invite your non-greek friends over for dinner as your guest. they would get a good meal, and they could come to understand why you wanted to be greek.most sororities have the occasional event where girls can invite a friend to come with them. as for not speaking to you if you do go greek, if that is the case, are they really your friends? you can also see a movie, go to a club or anything else you did for fun before you joined a sorority. all your time will not be monopolized by the sorority, but it is important to participate in as many of the sorority events as you can, in order to get the most of your membership. most sororities hand out a calendar at the beginning of each semester that shows which nights there are events planned, so you should know WAY in advance when you need to be at a sorority event.

while it would be neat for you and your sister to share sorority sisterhood, you need to find the place that is right for you. right now you think that the chapter of your sisters sorority on your campus is not your cup of tea. going thru recruitment might shed a different light on them.just keep an open mind, and give everyone a chance.

please keep us updated and post a recruitment thread. best wishes that you find your true home!!

all the npc sororities have an agreement that they will not haze, but you will find a rogue chapter every now and then that stretches the rule. if their national officers find out, they are heavily sanctioned or sometimes their charter is revoked and they are closed down. each of the 26 npc sororities national officers take hazing very seriously. if you think you are being hazed, talk to your sister about it or just walk away. you do not have to take it!!

BadSquirrelBeta · #8 12-24-2005, 09:15 PM

I can't believe 16 years ago I was a pledge and was waiting to get initiated after Xmas break...

Ok...present day.

Any HS graduate going off to college I thoroughly encourage them to go through rush, regardless of what house they may end up pledging. Though I don't know you face to face, I feel that you are very curious about the Greek system. Go through rush! You aren't obligated to pledge unless you feel there is a fit between you and a certain group of women.

You are a legacy and do know some things about your older sis' experience. That is great, however, as a legacy myself that DIDN'T go to either my mom's or my aunt's sorority, this is your time and don't be afraid to GO OUT AND MAKE YOUR OWN EXPERIENCES.

Good luck and keep us posted. I send my best wishes to you for a successful and stress free college experience from rush week to graduation!

PhoenixAzul · #9 12-25-2005, 10:14 AM

What bugs me a lot about the Greek-negative people is that they make these value judgements about sorority members...without ever knowing one. So for you, I am giving the reverse advice to what I'd give someone asking for recruitment help on the other side

1) Observe the sorority members. What are they involved in ? Who is wearing what letters in what club? If you really like that girl in English who has intelligent arguments, that's a good reflection of her membership. If there are a bunch of XYZ's in Adventure club and you enjoy hanging out with them, then that's a reflection of their sorority as well. We always tell sorority women to be seen doing things in letters that reflect well on their sorority (IE answering questions in class, helping out around campus, involvement in clubs), so this is your chance to get a little background information on what ELSE these women do aside from their sorority membership...and trust me, few women have "sorority" as their only campus involvement.

2) If you know what chapters are on your campus, visit their national website. See what they offer OUTSIDE of your campus. (PS, some even offer travel help to sisters, as well as scholarships !)

3) While it's great that someone close to you was Greek, Greek life is SO different from campus to campus. Otterbein doesn't do rush like Ole Miss or even Ohio State, so while the general advice is the same (be pleasant, open minded, gracious), the particulars and personalities are something only you can judge.

4) i am a junior and going abroad to Northern Ireland in 4 (!!!) days. I've never lived in the sorority house (it only sleeps 5 and they're exec positions), but while I'm gone, it's going to be great to have people to send letters to and to get mail from. I'm going to miss the crap out of those girls, but when I come back, I'll get to catch up on all the great stuff, and see how my family tree has grown!.

5) Keep in mind sorority life isn't all warm fuzzies all the time. Like any relationship, there are the trials and fights and tensions. You may not be BFF with every girl, and that's OK!! Just because you wear the same letters doesn't mean you have TO BE THE SAME. No matter where you go, your unique talents will contribute to the sorority.

To echo what everyone else said...go through rush. Honestly, what do you have to lose? If it isn't for you, no love lost. If you find out that you love it, then you'll have a great time as a new member.

jojo7471 · #10 12-25-2005, 11:41 AM

thnaks so much guys! I think I will give it a try, but I can't make any promises to join (or that I'll even get in one if it is as competative as they say)

I will definatly keep you posted, and there were some houses that stuck out in my mind, and actually my sister's was different during 19-party than when I went for a formal dinner earlier in the semester (I didn't like the girls in the formal dinner, but during rush they seemed nice and normal) so I will give it a shot.

jojo7471 · #11 12-28-2005, 12:07 AM

just an update...

unfortuantly, I am foregoing rush. I think I'll have to try being a GDI for a year, and i can rush next year. I met alot of active members who were juniors in a sophomore pledge class, so I am sure I could find one that was right for me later if I really watned to.

I am going to be studying aborad for a year and a half for my majors, and I just feel it wouldn't be fair to me or my sisters to be gone so much.

my sis might not be too happy as she was excited for us to share a sisterhood, but I figure we already have a strong bond and joing a glo won't make it really any stronger since we attend different schools.

but thanks to everyone for their advice!

InHocYall · #12 12-28-2005, 01:11 AM

Why would you study abroad for a year and a half? Greek life tends to stress dedication to your GLO as well as your school, probably not a great fit for you.

Taualumna · #13 12-28-2005, 03:02 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by jojo7471
just an update...

unfortuantly, I am foregoing rush. I think I'll have to try being a GDI for a year, and i can rush next year. I met alot of active members who were juniors in a sophomore pledge class, so I am sure I could find one that was right for me later if I really watned to.

I am going to be studying aborad for a year and a half for my majors, and I just feel it wouldn't be fair to me or my sisters to be gone so much.

my sis might not be too happy as she was excited for us to share a sisterhood, but I figure we already have a strong bond and joing a glo won't make it really any stronger since we attend different schools.

but thanks to everyone for their advice!

A year and a half? I've never heard of anyone going abroad for that long. What program is this?

PhoenixAzul · #14 12-28-2005, 06:24 AM

The program I am going on had an option to stay for the whole year. A year and a half is a *really* long time, though.

And InHoc, going abroad does not mean that you are any less dedicated to your GLO or your school. My college is extremely proud of their foreign study students, and fosters relationships between schools in Sweden, the Netherlands, Japan, England, Northern Ireland, Germany, Austrailia, China, New Zealand, Mexico, Chile, Argentina and I believe Peru. We accept students from all of these nations as well as send students there. The time away from my sisters will be difficult, yes, but I am just one of many capable and hardworking sisters. I am still going to "be around" for pledge education as best as I can, and while I'm on "inactive" status, I'm going to be as active as anyone can be...you've just got to be creative.

jojo7471 · #15 12-28-2005, 10:24 AM

it is possible to study abroad for that long as long as your majors require it. I am majoring in two languages and possibly minoring in something else so my advisor said to earn the credits I would have to leave the country. I will have to take classes in the summer to make up for all the time I am gone.

maybe I should just rush, but I can honestly say that I don't see my self signing a bid card. and I would wouldn't want to end up de-pledging or god forbid de-activating.

I would hate to take a bid ( if I even got one) from a girl who wanted it and then end up quiting.